Before I say a word about this fantasy league, and trust me there's a lot to say, a few soapboxy words about the NFL:
-Of all the hilarious comments I've heard this season while watching a football game (and I've made a ton of them), the funniest one yet came on Monday and it wasn't even meant to be funny. Pueto, watching the 9ers/Cardinals game, asked rhetorically, "Their QB is 8-for-17 for 86 yards and an interception and they're blowing them out?"
I also added, "And their star RB, the person who gets 44% of their total yards from scrimmage, is out for the game?"
Yes, Aaron, the 9ers are killing the Cardinals, on the road, under those exact circumstances. NFC West at its finest. And you wonder why I turned down free tickets to an NFL game 2 weeks ago.
(Author's Note: I was actually writing the previous paragraphs during the MNF game, and of course, because the fantasy football gods are fuckers, Gore suffered a season-ending injury in that game--killing mine & Aaron's chances of winning the regular season in another league we're in where we have Gore. Fuck.)
-How about the back-to-back national TV night games this coming weekend? Steelers @ Ravens on Sunday, and Jets @ Pats on Monday. Amazing 2 nights of football. Guess which one I will most likely miss because of a piss-poor-timed customer event? The most important Patriots game since February 2008, of course.
(Author's Note: This was also written way back on Monday, and things have tentatively changed. There's now a 75% chance I can get out of my obligations in time for this epic event, but if not, I'll be inviting myself over to Mike's later on, since his entire life moves about 3 hours slower than the outside world.)
At the beginning of the week I had grand aspirations for this blog post. But fellas, I gotta say, you're not about to read anything grand or inspiring--you'll be lucky to get marginally entertaining.
You see, my brain is so fried from work this week (and people forcing bong hits & alcohol on me all week long) that I can't even tackle the simple task of writing out the playoff scenarios for all the teams going into week 13.
The short story is that not a single team is mathematically eliminated yet, and only Blanchette, Mike, Werner & Fred can possibly get either of the top 2 seeds (byes). Lots of parity this year.
Moving on...
When I was making my name as the world's funniest ShitList author back in college, a dirty little tramp named Alissa used to always ask me if I'd put her on my ShitList. It was so obnoxious because that's the type of thing that has to happen organically--you can't beg your way into an amazing article.
Five year later and Blanchette is now playing the role of the dirty little tramp. Matt's been very vocal to the Commissioner about his unhappiness with the blog--apparently he thinks if you don't live on the West Coast or your (nick)name isn't "Fred" then you don't get any love in the blog. Basically what he is saying is that a majority of the teams (6) get talked about a majority of the time. Well, yeah. I guess I won't argue with that. Seems like standard logic.
What Blanchette is trying to say is that he wants some love--his 1st place, 9-3 team deserves significant discussion in this blog.
As much as it pains me to give into his demands, let's go ahead & take a deep dive into the JohnThomasMoynahan team.
-At 9-3, JTM is guaranteed no lower than a 4th place regular season finish (compared to the last couple year's 8th & 9th place finishes). With 2 more wins, Blanchette would finish this season with only 3 less wins than his '07-09 seasons combined.
-At this moment, the JTM roster includes: the 4th best QB (Vick), 2nd & 7th best RBs (Hillis, Mendenhall), and 3 top-25 WRs (Bryant, Welker, Britt).
But if we dig a layer deeper...
-JTM ranks only 4th in Points For this year...his opponents have put up the least amount of points, by far (72 less Points Allowed than next closest team).
-Blanchette is 6-1 in his last 7 games. But in his last 5 wins, his opponent hasn't topped 74 points. To put that in perspective, MattyP, who has the least amount of Points For, averages 79.3 points per game for the year. These teams aren't even pretending to put up a competitive score. So to say Blanchette is getting lucky is quite the understatement.
-With so many highly-ranked players, you'd be tempted to think Blanchette had a particularly good draft. Only problem there is that he has exactly 5 players left on his roster from the original draft.
-One of his keepers (Schaub) has only played 3 times in the past 10 weeks, all because JTM picked up Vick on Sept 16th. Blanchette only tried to trade Vick about 7 times in weeks 4-7. Maybe another touch of luck that he wasn't able to make a trade?
-In my 1st blog post this year, after the draft, I mentioned how I'd be concerned if I was Blanchette and had the following players: Marshall, Beanie Wells, Driver, and I also mentioned Spiller would have to come up big. Out of those 4 players, only Marshall is left on the team, and he's clocking in as the 38th-ranked WR. So I'll give Matt the credit of having great waiver pickups. My suspicion is that a lot of these pickups--Vick, Hillis, Britt, Amendola--had more to do with the luck of your waiver position than with any tangible skill.
So Congrats, Blanchette. Stellar year in fantasy so far. The fantasy gods may have dicked me & Aaron over earlier this week, but I'm sure they were also listening to you celebrate a win over The Bink after only 1 game in the books this week. I have no doubt the comments you left on my voicemail today ("You got Vicked last night...28 points, baby!" "...(the other) teams are scared of what they have to face (in my team)") are gonna cost you a week 13 win, and ultimately 1st place. A 2nd place finish & early exit from the playoffs seems certain for JTM at this point.
And finally, it's time to announce the annual winner of "Which Red Sox player is doomed to have an awful season because Ross just bought his t-shirt while back in Boston?"
Please take out the answers that you all wrote down a few weeks ago.
And the winner is...
....
...............
..................
......Jon Lester
(In the distance we hear muffled groans of, "C'mon, hasn't he gone through enough already?")
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Running Diary? Speedwalking Diary?
Yes, this thing is now dated since it was recorded last Sunday, but I think there are some gems in this pile of bullshit. Read on.
Author's Note: Though this blog is typically focused on the going ons of our fantasy league, I have to warn you that this "running diary" pretty much does the opposite. If you aren't a fan of random commentary on the NFL, my first ever visit to a man cave, or our obvious gambling problem, this post isn't for you. I will strongly suggest, however, that you read this in its entirety because hidden somewhere in this post is an important announcement regarding a rule change for next year's fantasy league. I'd also like to add that this change is not up for debate. And finally, I'd like to give myself a pat on the back for even surviving a full day of football on Sunday. For some reason I decided it would be a good idea to wake up at 7am for a 6-mile run in the woods with Neil & Colleen even though I went to bed at 3:30am completely blacked out. Needless to say it was pretty tough to stay awake, alert and entertaining on this particular Sunday. Please enjoy.
9:58am PT - I'm live from Colleen's Man Cave (CMC) ready to get overloaded with NFL for 11 straight hours. Ready to enjoy a day with my bro's and other friends who have promised to keep things entertaining for this running diary...and 2 minutes before kickoff, I'm completely alone in here. Where the fuck is everyone?
10:00 - While I have the place to myself, a quick description's in order: I'm in a 15x12 shed behind Neil's house, staring at 2 40" flatscreens mounted on the wall. Neil's old couches account for all of the available seating, and there is Boston sports paraphernalia all over the walls. The Tom Brady-signed Patriots helmet (protected by glass) is the cherry on top. A perfect sports-watching environment.
10:02 - If you're curious, we're tracking the following teams for betting purposes: Titans, Browns, Colts, Jags, Vikings, Lions & Bucs. Am I overextended in my betting for these early games? Who asked you anyway. On 1 TV we're watching the Red Zone Channel (obviously), and on the other...this is a tough call with no Patriots on right now. I guess Jets/Brown? I'd say we should watch the game w/ the combined most money bet by the group of watchers, but once again, I'm all alone.
10:05 - Neil finally arrives...holding a hammer? Is now a good time for cosmetic repairs?
10:07 - We just watched 3 fumbles in 2 games over a 4 minute span. Has the quality of football ever been worse? Seriously, besides the top 4 teams in the AFC (Pats, Steelers, Colts, Ravens) and the top 2 teams in the NFC (Giants, Falcons), do any of the other 26 teams deserve to be in the NFL this year? And yes, I purposely left the Jets out because they're overrated.
10:08 - Colleen just arrived with my hot chocolate!
10:14 - On cue, Chad Pennington walking to the locker room after 2:30 of game time. Well that was a fun experiment. I guess this opens the door for him to win his 3rd "comeback player of the year" award next season?
10:16 - Neil tries to subtly dub this room "the Toolbox." Not sure that's gonna stick. He also refers to today as the "soft opening" because there are kinks that need to get worked out. As of now, that list includes a table for drinks, fixing the glare from the windows, figuring out a password for admittance, and that's about it. Gotta say, early results are all positive for the Toolbox.
10:28 - Pueto arrives. Finally, no more awkward silences with just me & Neil hanging out.
10:31 - Pueto looks the way I feel right now, meaning this might be the most hungover either of us have been in a long, long time. This doesn't bode well for keeping a running blog for the next 9 hours.
10:33 - Neil continues a disturbing, 8-week trend of calling referee Jerome Boger "jive turkey." Here's the man he's talking about:
10:39 - We have our first major announcement in the Toolbox: Neil informs us Ben will not be attending today's soft open...not a single person even blinks at this news.
10:51 - I fart, Neil informs me that's the first fart in the CMC, Aaron corrects him, "That's the first audible fart, Neil." Well played, Pueto.
10:53 - Just when we think this set up couldn't get any better, Neil blows our minds by turning 1 of the TVs into the internet & pulling up real time Bodog lines on the screen. Congrats, Neil. You're 2 TVs & 1 scantily-clad waitress away from ending the March Madness Vegas Tradition.
10:57 - I spoke too soon. Neil just spent the last 4 minutes trying to find the "search bar button" on the remote for the internet TV. I think he's in over his head now.
11:13 - Oops...16-minute break to sneak in a quick nap on the floor...it honestly feels like Suicide Sunday today (AKA, the Sunday we travel home from Vegas every March).
11:20 - One reason why I love Colleen hanging out watching the games with us: when we say ridiculous or unclear things, she has no problem calling us on it. We just used the word "barnburner" 4 times in 2 minutes, and when she asked what that meant, Neil responded with this (paraphrasing): "It means a close game with both teams marching up & down the field scoring a lot of points...you know, like if a barn was on fire you'd be running back & forth trying to save everything."
11:23 - Tampa Bay goes up 21-10 on Carolina and we get our first round of high-fives in the Toolbox. Needless to say there's a significant amount of cash on TB to cover the 6.5 points today.
11:44 - Watching Houston play, it finally clicks...this is the team that caused me to be horrible in 4-of-5 fantasy leagues this year. Sure, there's a lot of different reasons for my ineptitude (Jonathan Stewart as a keeper, anyone?), but banking so much on Houston to essentially lead the NFL in scoring, and doing so by passing the majority of the time seems to take the cake. I'm always 1 year off on the team I ride in fantasy.
11:58 - Gotta say, I'm a bit concerned about the entertainment factor for the rest of the day... no Ben at all, and no Mike so far.
12:05 - Listening in on Pueto doing his bi-monthly check-in with Neil to see if he owes him any money. Neil must not realize he could make up anything & Pueto would be convinced.
12:08 - Most of the games ending the 3rd quarter. Watching Tennessee/Miami, hold on, I gotta check the internet to make sure Vince Young has indeed played QB before in his life. Yup, turns out he has. Never would have guessed by some of these passes & near fumbles (auhor's note: VY finished 9-of-18 for 62yds and a 60.4 passer rating. Solid effort)
12:15 - Glad I didn't fall asleep again because I just witnessed this exchange
-Neil: "If I could take 1 body part from any person, I'd take AP's thighs."
-Pueto: "Strong, black thighs? That'd look a little strange with the rest of your body."
12:19 - Henne goes down!! Huge cheers from the Toolbox! Yes, we all bet on Tennessee today, with me even rushing through a shower at Neil's to get a few more bucks on them. Miami's 3rd QB of the day (4th if you count Ronnie Brown), it's your move.
12:20 - Finally, Mike arrives....with a girl? Mike, Man Cave, c'mon! Boooooooo...
12:30 - As promised, Mike quickly breaks out his betting cheatsheet. Today it's in the form of an old envelope. Money must be getting tight if Mike can't splurge for the laminated offensive coordinator's card.
12:32 - Dumbest question in the Man Cave so far. Neil asks Mike, "Did you know Bodog has live betting?" Mike responds that they started that after he repeatedly petitioned that they allow it.
12:35 - Controversy on the TVs! Houston TD, no wait, incomplete, no Kevin Walter was just holding the ball up for the ref to see...dear Lord, why can't the NFL figure out the rules for something that a 3-year-old understands. Colleen is riled up. She's not even sure why there's a decision to be made on this.
12:40 - Twenty minutes until the 2nd round of games kick off, and without any of us mentioning it, Neil knows to put the live Bodog lines up on the 2nd TV. Mike stands up and moves to within 3 inches of the TV to get a real good look at this thing. Mike points out his favorite games of the afternoon. They include, well, all of them.
12:43 - Question: If you can get a +170 moneyline bet on a 4-4 team playing a 2-6 team, you have to put at least a small wager on it, right? How are the 9ers favored over the Rams?
12:47 - Favorite part of the day coming up...a flurry of late-game activity for the in-progress games. Right now we're featuring Jets/Browns on 1 TV...53 seconds left, Browns on the 2-yard line, down 7.
1:00 - From what I can tell, Mike's pacing at 1 Corona per 20 minutes. This should get interesting in about 40 more minutes.
1:03 - In the middle of a calm CMC moment....Jacksonville hail mary TD!! Gus Johnson, improbable TD, Houston's DB knocking the ball into Mike Thomas's hands in the endzone! Total chaos in the CMC! Meanwhile, Pueto nearly throws up. No idea if that's because of the hangover or Houston not covering.
1:07 - Late games we're tracking for betting purposes...all of them. Mike talked us into it.
1:08 - Wow, Cleveland driving in OT. I mention to the guys how impressive it is that the Browns are about to win 3 in a row over the Saints, Pats, and Jets--
1:09 - On cue a Chancey Stuckey fumble gives the Jets life! The legend of Ross the Jinx continues.
1:15 - Is it a sign of watching too much football when you not only know the name of every referee within 5 seconds of seeing them, but also know how many years they've been reffing, what game they did last week, and what their tendencies are?
1:26 - Strange moment just now. I see that KC is down 14-0 already & expect the rest of these guys to be as pissed off as I am. Nope. Neil, Mike, and Pueto all seem unfazed by this. Weird considering we all IMed during the week all agreeing we were betting KC strong. After a couple weeks off the KC bandwagon, I happily announced my return to it earlier this week, and I was welcomed with open arms. Apparently I didn't get the memo that everyone else got scared off some time between Wednesday & now. Fuck.
1:29 - Interesting phenomenon developing: even though the bathroom is only 25 feet away, in the house, we're all waiting for Neil to piss in the bushes outside the Toolbox so we can all do the same.
1:39 - Jets/Browns finally finish. The Browns would have won that game if Jake Delhomme had been playing. JOKING! But shit, really Cleveland? The Jets should have that ugly blemish of a tie on their record.
1:50 - My afternoon bets quickly going down the drain. This leads to me quietly asking Neil if he has any whiskey. Hangover over?
1:52 - Neil is now setting non-football odds: odds of me unable to drive home later tonight (12-to-1 right now). Odds for 1st person to spank it in the CMC: Mike going off at 5-to-2 odds.
2:04 - Earlier today I was telling Pueto & Mike about a new theory I have around fantasy football drafting. Remember a few years ago when we started to identify the cluster fuck that is RB time-sharing? Well I think this year is the start of QB time-sharing. Beyond the top 7-8 QBs, think about how many teams have had 2+ QBs play significant time this year either because of injury, ineffectiveness, or just because of a coach's weekly preference. Denver just helped prove this theory by bringing in Tebow on the 1-yard line for another TD (I think Tebow would do this a couple more times in this game). Theory proved. Shit, just gave up my draft strategy for next year--all WRs all the time.
2:29 - How is this happening? Giants down 16, KC getting crushed 35-0, and Seattle up 17-10. The exact opposite of what I thought would happen with the late games.
2:39 - We've got the CMC, the Man Cave, and the Toolbox. Colleen just coined a new term for this bomb shelter we're currently in--the Princess Palace. Love it.
2:55 - Colleen asks, "Do you guys like Sunday football more for the football or the food?" ...checking Bodog account. On a day like today, the food, Colleen.
2:58 - Speaking of food, Neil finally with a redeeming move today: brings out homemade onion rings, fries, mozzarella sticks & nachos.
3:01 - Mike proactively looking for the Man Cave's defibrillator.
3:18 - Another discussion in the CMC that could be construed as "controversial." A few weeks ago, Neil & I started referring to Jamaal Charles as "fast black," and Thomas Jones as "slow black." Watch a KC game, it makes sense, right?
3:30 - I know the afternoon games haven't even finished up, but I'm tired, a little drunk (whiskey #3 being downed as I write this), and sick of staring at my computer. This running diary is coming to a screeching halt. I'll need full concentration to watch the Pats destroy the Steelers in a couple hours anyway.
*If you've made it this far, congrats. Sorry if that got boring or repetitive. But now for the rule change for next year's fantasy season: we're adding a Flex Player to the active rosters. Let's face it, this league is the most bland of any leagues we play in when it comes to rosters. Next year there will be a starting spot for any offensive player you'd like to put there. QB, WR, RB, TE... start a fucking fullback for all I care.
I expect no one to bitch about this rule change, pretending like you would have drafted differently this year, or manipulated your roster differently.
Author's Note: Though this blog is typically focused on the going ons of our fantasy league, I have to warn you that this "running diary" pretty much does the opposite. If you aren't a fan of random commentary on the NFL, my first ever visit to a man cave, or our obvious gambling problem, this post isn't for you. I will strongly suggest, however, that you read this in its entirety because hidden somewhere in this post is an important announcement regarding a rule change for next year's fantasy league. I'd also like to add that this change is not up for debate. And finally, I'd like to give myself a pat on the back for even surviving a full day of football on Sunday. For some reason I decided it would be a good idea to wake up at 7am for a 6-mile run in the woods with Neil & Colleen even though I went to bed at 3:30am completely blacked out. Needless to say it was pretty tough to stay awake, alert and entertaining on this particular Sunday. Please enjoy.
9:58am PT - I'm live from Colleen's Man Cave (CMC) ready to get overloaded with NFL for 11 straight hours. Ready to enjoy a day with my bro's and other friends who have promised to keep things entertaining for this running diary...and 2 minutes before kickoff, I'm completely alone in here. Where the fuck is everyone?
10:00 - While I have the place to myself, a quick description's in order: I'm in a 15x12 shed behind Neil's house, staring at 2 40" flatscreens mounted on the wall. Neil's old couches account for all of the available seating, and there is Boston sports paraphernalia all over the walls. The Tom Brady-signed Patriots helmet (protected by glass) is the cherry on top. A perfect sports-watching environment.
10:02 - If you're curious, we're tracking the following teams for betting purposes: Titans, Browns, Colts, Jags, Vikings, Lions & Bucs. Am I overextended in my betting for these early games? Who asked you anyway. On 1 TV we're watching the Red Zone Channel (obviously), and on the other...this is a tough call with no Patriots on right now. I guess Jets/Brown? I'd say we should watch the game w/ the combined most money bet by the group of watchers, but once again, I'm all alone.
10:05 - Neil finally arrives...holding a hammer? Is now a good time for cosmetic repairs?
10:07 - We just watched 3 fumbles in 2 games over a 4 minute span. Has the quality of football ever been worse? Seriously, besides the top 4 teams in the AFC (Pats, Steelers, Colts, Ravens) and the top 2 teams in the NFC (Giants, Falcons), do any of the other 26 teams deserve to be in the NFL this year? And yes, I purposely left the Jets out because they're overrated.
10:08 - Colleen just arrived with my hot chocolate!
10:14 - On cue, Chad Pennington walking to the locker room after 2:30 of game time. Well that was a fun experiment. I guess this opens the door for him to win his 3rd "comeback player of the year" award next season?
10:16 - Neil tries to subtly dub this room "the Toolbox." Not sure that's gonna stick. He also refers to today as the "soft opening" because there are kinks that need to get worked out. As of now, that list includes a table for drinks, fixing the glare from the windows, figuring out a password for admittance, and that's about it. Gotta say, early results are all positive for the Toolbox.
10:28 - Pueto arrives. Finally, no more awkward silences with just me & Neil hanging out.
10:31 - Pueto looks the way I feel right now, meaning this might be the most hungover either of us have been in a long, long time. This doesn't bode well for keeping a running blog for the next 9 hours.
10:33 - Neil continues a disturbing, 8-week trend of calling referee Jerome Boger "jive turkey." Here's the man he's talking about:
10:39 - We have our first major announcement in the Toolbox: Neil informs us Ben will not be attending today's soft open...not a single person even blinks at this news.10:51 - I fart, Neil informs me that's the first fart in the CMC, Aaron corrects him, "That's the first audible fart, Neil." Well played, Pueto.
10:53 - Just when we think this set up couldn't get any better, Neil blows our minds by turning 1 of the TVs into the internet & pulling up real time Bodog lines on the screen. Congrats, Neil. You're 2 TVs & 1 scantily-clad waitress away from ending the March Madness Vegas Tradition.
10:57 - I spoke too soon. Neil just spent the last 4 minutes trying to find the "search bar button" on the remote for the internet TV. I think he's in over his head now.
11:13 - Oops...16-minute break to sneak in a quick nap on the floor...it honestly feels like Suicide Sunday today (AKA, the Sunday we travel home from Vegas every March).
11:20 - One reason why I love Colleen hanging out watching the games with us: when we say ridiculous or unclear things, she has no problem calling us on it. We just used the word "barnburner" 4 times in 2 minutes, and when she asked what that meant, Neil responded with this (paraphrasing): "It means a close game with both teams marching up & down the field scoring a lot of points...you know, like if a barn was on fire you'd be running back & forth trying to save everything."
11:23 - Tampa Bay goes up 21-10 on Carolina and we get our first round of high-fives in the Toolbox. Needless to say there's a significant amount of cash on TB to cover the 6.5 points today.
11:44 - Watching Houston play, it finally clicks...this is the team that caused me to be horrible in 4-of-5 fantasy leagues this year. Sure, there's a lot of different reasons for my ineptitude (Jonathan Stewart as a keeper, anyone?), but banking so much on Houston to essentially lead the NFL in scoring, and doing so by passing the majority of the time seems to take the cake. I'm always 1 year off on the team I ride in fantasy.
11:58 - Gotta say, I'm a bit concerned about the entertainment factor for the rest of the day... no Ben at all, and no Mike so far.
12:05 - Listening in on Pueto doing his bi-monthly check-in with Neil to see if he owes him any money. Neil must not realize he could make up anything & Pueto would be convinced.
12:08 - Most of the games ending the 3rd quarter. Watching Tennessee/Miami, hold on, I gotta check the internet to make sure Vince Young has indeed played QB before in his life. Yup, turns out he has. Never would have guessed by some of these passes & near fumbles (auhor's note: VY finished 9-of-18 for 62yds and a 60.4 passer rating. Solid effort)
12:15 - Glad I didn't fall asleep again because I just witnessed this exchange
-Neil: "If I could take 1 body part from any person, I'd take AP's thighs."
-Pueto: "Strong, black thighs? That'd look a little strange with the rest of your body."
12:19 - Henne goes down!! Huge cheers from the Toolbox! Yes, we all bet on Tennessee today, with me even rushing through a shower at Neil's to get a few more bucks on them. Miami's 3rd QB of the day (4th if you count Ronnie Brown), it's your move.
12:20 - Finally, Mike arrives....with a girl? Mike, Man Cave, c'mon! Boooooooo...
12:30 - As promised, Mike quickly breaks out his betting cheatsheet. Today it's in the form of an old envelope. Money must be getting tight if Mike can't splurge for the laminated offensive coordinator's card.
12:32 - Dumbest question in the Man Cave so far. Neil asks Mike, "Did you know Bodog has live betting?" Mike responds that they started that after he repeatedly petitioned that they allow it.
12:35 - Controversy on the TVs! Houston TD, no wait, incomplete, no Kevin Walter was just holding the ball up for the ref to see...dear Lord, why can't the NFL figure out the rules for something that a 3-year-old understands. Colleen is riled up. She's not even sure why there's a decision to be made on this.
12:40 - Twenty minutes until the 2nd round of games kick off, and without any of us mentioning it, Neil knows to put the live Bodog lines up on the 2nd TV. Mike stands up and moves to within 3 inches of the TV to get a real good look at this thing. Mike points out his favorite games of the afternoon. They include, well, all of them.
12:43 - Question: If you can get a +170 moneyline bet on a 4-4 team playing a 2-6 team, you have to put at least a small wager on it, right? How are the 9ers favored over the Rams?
12:47 - Favorite part of the day coming up...a flurry of late-game activity for the in-progress games. Right now we're featuring Jets/Browns on 1 TV...53 seconds left, Browns on the 2-yard line, down 7.
1:00 - From what I can tell, Mike's pacing at 1 Corona per 20 minutes. This should get interesting in about 40 more minutes.
1:03 - In the middle of a calm CMC moment....Jacksonville hail mary TD!! Gus Johnson, improbable TD, Houston's DB knocking the ball into Mike Thomas's hands in the endzone! Total chaos in the CMC! Meanwhile, Pueto nearly throws up. No idea if that's because of the hangover or Houston not covering.
1:07 - Late games we're tracking for betting purposes...all of them. Mike talked us into it.
1:08 - Wow, Cleveland driving in OT. I mention to the guys how impressive it is that the Browns are about to win 3 in a row over the Saints, Pats, and Jets--
1:09 - On cue a Chancey Stuckey fumble gives the Jets life! The legend of Ross the Jinx continues.
1:15 - Is it a sign of watching too much football when you not only know the name of every referee within 5 seconds of seeing them, but also know how many years they've been reffing, what game they did last week, and what their tendencies are?
1:26 - Strange moment just now. I see that KC is down 14-0 already & expect the rest of these guys to be as pissed off as I am. Nope. Neil, Mike, and Pueto all seem unfazed by this. Weird considering we all IMed during the week all agreeing we were betting KC strong. After a couple weeks off the KC bandwagon, I happily announced my return to it earlier this week, and I was welcomed with open arms. Apparently I didn't get the memo that everyone else got scared off some time between Wednesday & now. Fuck.
1:29 - Interesting phenomenon developing: even though the bathroom is only 25 feet away, in the house, we're all waiting for Neil to piss in the bushes outside the Toolbox so we can all do the same.
1:39 - Jets/Browns finally finish. The Browns would have won that game if Jake Delhomme had been playing. JOKING! But shit, really Cleveland? The Jets should have that ugly blemish of a tie on their record.
1:50 - My afternoon bets quickly going down the drain. This leads to me quietly asking Neil if he has any whiskey. Hangover over?
1:52 - Neil is now setting non-football odds: odds of me unable to drive home later tonight (12-to-1 right now). Odds for 1st person to spank it in the CMC: Mike going off at 5-to-2 odds.
2:04 - Earlier today I was telling Pueto & Mike about a new theory I have around fantasy football drafting. Remember a few years ago when we started to identify the cluster fuck that is RB time-sharing? Well I think this year is the start of QB time-sharing. Beyond the top 7-8 QBs, think about how many teams have had 2+ QBs play significant time this year either because of injury, ineffectiveness, or just because of a coach's weekly preference. Denver just helped prove this theory by bringing in Tebow on the 1-yard line for another TD (I think Tebow would do this a couple more times in this game). Theory proved. Shit, just gave up my draft strategy for next year--all WRs all the time.
2:29 - How is this happening? Giants down 16, KC getting crushed 35-0, and Seattle up 17-10. The exact opposite of what I thought would happen with the late games.
2:39 - We've got the CMC, the Man Cave, and the Toolbox. Colleen just coined a new term for this bomb shelter we're currently in--the Princess Palace. Love it.
2:55 - Colleen asks, "Do you guys like Sunday football more for the football or the food?" ...checking Bodog account. On a day like today, the food, Colleen.
2:58 - Speaking of food, Neil finally with a redeeming move today: brings out homemade onion rings, fries, mozzarella sticks & nachos.
3:01 - Mike proactively looking for the Man Cave's defibrillator.
3:18 - Another discussion in the CMC that could be construed as "controversial." A few weeks ago, Neil & I started referring to Jamaal Charles as "fast black," and Thomas Jones as "slow black." Watch a KC game, it makes sense, right?
3:30 - I know the afternoon games haven't even finished up, but I'm tired, a little drunk (whiskey #3 being downed as I write this), and sick of staring at my computer. This running diary is coming to a screeching halt. I'll need full concentration to watch the Pats destroy the Steelers in a couple hours anyway.
*If you've made it this far, congrats. Sorry if that got boring or repetitive. But now for the rule change for next year's fantasy season: we're adding a Flex Player to the active rosters. Let's face it, this league is the most bland of any leagues we play in when it comes to rosters. Next year there will be a starting spot for any offensive player you'd like to put there. QB, WR, RB, TE... start a fucking fullback for all I care.
I expect no one to bitch about this rule change, pretending like you would have drafted differently this year, or manipulated your roster differently.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Week 10: the week Fred locks up 1st place (jinx)
I'm sure all you guys, like me, at least skim Matthew Berry's weekly pickup suggestions on espn.com. Maybe, like me, you do it while on the shitter, and spend way more time reading that article than actually shitting. And maybe, like me, this causes some awesome hemorrhoids for you all...I had a point here, hold on.
Oh yeah, that's probably where our similarities stop because I'm certain none of you panicked after week 5 and traded the #1 fantasy player (Rivers) for a guy who Berry just listed in his "you're free to drop these guys outright" paragraph. I did. It was really painful on the toilet this morning, more so than the usual pain, when I saw him suggest Ryan Mathews was now dump-able.
So congratulations, Fred. After 8 years of riding my coattails, living in my shadow and being that pest of a little brother I never wanted, you finally got me. You got me good, Beaver Bitch.
Speaking of the PBears, congrats again to Fred's team for having the #1 & 2 ranked fantasy players through 9 weeks. And it's not like these guys were your keepers or even top couple picks. Rivers was traded by the aforementioned douche bag, and Foster was drafted in the 5th round, taken lower than other RBs like Beanie Wells, Deangelo Williams, Shonn Greene and Jahvid Best.
And with the 9ers doing their "thing," Fred's definitely emerged as the "sentimental success story." Rooting for Fred to win something this year is like rooting for the 1-legged girl to win Survivor...so many losses already in their lives, just wanting them to finally get something right (the 1-legged girl was quickly ousted from the game while getting ridiculed by her teammates by the way).
I gotta say, my favorite part about the Thursday NFL games is how demoralized & utterly helpless you can feel if your team's already down 40-50 points heading into Sunday's games. Like I don't already have a shitty enough team...might as well watch Pueto's team put up 44 points on me between 2 players, in a game with virtually no scoring in the 1st half. Oh, and Aaron's mad because he started the "wrong" QB? Awesome. Really looking forward to Sunday.
The only other team whose opponent scored a decent amount of points last night is Matty's, but it clearly seems like he's surrendering the week, so another congrats to Fred for his week 10 win.
Can you tell from the random comments that I don't have much substance to this week's blog? Don't worry, I've got an idea...you see, this weekend marks the debut of Neil's "man cave." From what I can tell, this man cave is nothing more than a shed in his backyard where he goes to punish himself for getting married & all the other bad decisions he's made in life. It apparently has 2 40" TVs, a microwave and carpet bubbles. With a few of us going down there this Sunday to break it in, I'm planning my first ever attempt at a running diary. If this diary sucks balls, I can only take partial blame because the other 3-4 guys there are as much responsible for it being exciting as I am.
Potentially exciting moments in the man cave this Sunday include:
-That first moment Neil turns on both TVs (obviously).
-That first moment Neil warms up our Hot Pockets in the microwave.
-When Ben (a constant checker of fantasy scores) continually updates Neil (a non-checker of fantasy during game day) on their epic matchup, and Neil gets fed up, shuts both TVs off, and kicks us all out.
-When Neil's wireless internet doesn't get any reception in the man cave & we slowly re-take the living room from Colleen.
-Halfway through the first set of games, Mike forgets his 15 in-progress bets, takes out his cheat sheet (roughly the size & complexity of those laminated sheets that offensive coordinators hold on to) and flips out because all 8 teams in his 8-team parlay are winning.
-90 minutes later when 1 of those 8 teams tanks the 4th quarter.
-10 minutes after that when Mike reloads the BoDog account & places another 11 bets.
-Pueto listening intently as Mike lays out his reasoning behind all his bets, and then decides to "get in on that action" even though Mike has repeatedly demonstrated his "drunk behind the wheel" approach to betting.
-When everyone decides to give me the silent treatment because they know I'm transcribing everything that's said into a blog post.
Finally, a quick story for you all. Did any of you ever notice my tendency to panic or "meltdown" in critical situations? Me neither, until recently. Co-ed, recreational, slow pitch softball has taught me that I can be slightly above average at certain things 98% of the time, but when the most important moments come up, I shrivel up like a nutsack in ice water. There's no better evidence of this than what happened this past Wednesday night. First, remember that I'm the pitcher on our softball team. I rarely walk anyone & more often than not strike out most of the girls who face us. In the bottom of the last inning, after choking away a 4-run lead (with the help of my awesome teammates), our opponent had runners on 2nd & 3rd with 2 outs...tie score. A decent-hitting guy was up for them, and when I decided to intentionally walk him to face the girl batting next, 1 of my teammates said, "Good idea, unless you feel like you might accidentally walk the next person." Bro...c'mon. Walk the girl who could hardly lift the bat & struck out twice already? Please...
The 3 pitches I threw to her were balls so far off the plate you'd think I was attempting to throw lefty for the first time in my life. And there you have it, my first ever experience issuing a walk-off walk.
Anybody wanna co-manage my team with me next year?
Oh yeah, that's probably where our similarities stop because I'm certain none of you panicked after week 5 and traded the #1 fantasy player (Rivers) for a guy who Berry just listed in his "you're free to drop these guys outright" paragraph. I did. It was really painful on the toilet this morning, more so than the usual pain, when I saw him suggest Ryan Mathews was now dump-able.
So congratulations, Fred. After 8 years of riding my coattails, living in my shadow and being that pest of a little brother I never wanted, you finally got me. You got me good, Beaver Bitch.
Speaking of the PBears, congrats again to Fred's team for having the #1 & 2 ranked fantasy players through 9 weeks. And it's not like these guys were your keepers or even top couple picks. Rivers was traded by the aforementioned douche bag, and Foster was drafted in the 5th round, taken lower than other RBs like Beanie Wells, Deangelo Williams, Shonn Greene and Jahvid Best.
And with the 9ers doing their "thing," Fred's definitely emerged as the "sentimental success story." Rooting for Fred to win something this year is like rooting for the 1-legged girl to win Survivor...so many losses already in their lives, just wanting them to finally get something right (the 1-legged girl was quickly ousted from the game while getting ridiculed by her teammates by the way).
I gotta say, my favorite part about the Thursday NFL games is how demoralized & utterly helpless you can feel if your team's already down 40-50 points heading into Sunday's games. Like I don't already have a shitty enough team...might as well watch Pueto's team put up 44 points on me between 2 players, in a game with virtually no scoring in the 1st half. Oh, and Aaron's mad because he started the "wrong" QB? Awesome. Really looking forward to Sunday.
The only other team whose opponent scored a decent amount of points last night is Matty's, but it clearly seems like he's surrendering the week, so another congrats to Fred for his week 10 win.
Can you tell from the random comments that I don't have much substance to this week's blog? Don't worry, I've got an idea...you see, this weekend marks the debut of Neil's "man cave." From what I can tell, this man cave is nothing more than a shed in his backyard where he goes to punish himself for getting married & all the other bad decisions he's made in life. It apparently has 2 40" TVs, a microwave and carpet bubbles. With a few of us going down there this Sunday to break it in, I'm planning my first ever attempt at a running diary. If this diary sucks balls, I can only take partial blame because the other 3-4 guys there are as much responsible for it being exciting as I am.
Potentially exciting moments in the man cave this Sunday include:
-That first moment Neil turns on both TVs (obviously).
-That first moment Neil warms up our Hot Pockets in the microwave.
-When Ben (a constant checker of fantasy scores) continually updates Neil (a non-checker of fantasy during game day) on their epic matchup, and Neil gets fed up, shuts both TVs off, and kicks us all out.
-When Neil's wireless internet doesn't get any reception in the man cave & we slowly re-take the living room from Colleen.
-Halfway through the first set of games, Mike forgets his 15 in-progress bets, takes out his cheat sheet (roughly the size & complexity of those laminated sheets that offensive coordinators hold on to) and flips out because all 8 teams in his 8-team parlay are winning.
-90 minutes later when 1 of those 8 teams tanks the 4th quarter.
-10 minutes after that when Mike reloads the BoDog account & places another 11 bets.
-Pueto listening intently as Mike lays out his reasoning behind all his bets, and then decides to "get in on that action" even though Mike has repeatedly demonstrated his "drunk behind the wheel" approach to betting.
-When everyone decides to give me the silent treatment because they know I'm transcribing everything that's said into a blog post.
Finally, a quick story for you all. Did any of you ever notice my tendency to panic or "meltdown" in critical situations? Me neither, until recently. Co-ed, recreational, slow pitch softball has taught me that I can be slightly above average at certain things 98% of the time, but when the most important moments come up, I shrivel up like a nutsack in ice water. There's no better evidence of this than what happened this past Wednesday night. First, remember that I'm the pitcher on our softball team. I rarely walk anyone & more often than not strike out most of the girls who face us. In the bottom of the last inning, after choking away a 4-run lead (with the help of my awesome teammates), our opponent had runners on 2nd & 3rd with 2 outs...tie score. A decent-hitting guy was up for them, and when I decided to intentionally walk him to face the girl batting next, 1 of my teammates said, "Good idea, unless you feel like you might accidentally walk the next person." Bro...c'mon. Walk the girl who could hardly lift the bat & struck out twice already? Please...
The 3 pitches I threw to her were balls so far off the plate you'd think I was attempting to throw lefty for the first time in my life. And there you have it, my first ever experience issuing a walk-off walk.
Anybody wanna co-manage my team with me next year?
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