Running Diary? Speedwalking Diary?

Yes, this thing is now dated since it was recorded last Sunday, but I think there are some gems in this pile of bullshit. Read on.

Author's Note: Though this blog is typically focused on the going ons of our fantasy league, I have to warn you that this "running diary" pretty much does the opposite. If you aren't a fan of random commentary on the NFL, my first ever visit to a man cave, or our obvious gambling problem, this post isn't for you. I will strongly suggest, however, that you read this in its entirety because hidden somewhere in this post is an important announcement regarding a rule change for next year's fantasy league. I'd also like to add that this change is not up for debate. And finally, I'd like to give myself a pat on the back for even surviving a full day of football on Sunday. For some reason I decided it would be a good idea to wake up at 7am for a 6-mile run in the woods with Neil & Colleen even though I went to bed at 3:30am completely blacked out. Needless to say it was pretty tough to stay awake, alert and entertaining on this particular Sunday. Please enjoy.

9:58am PT - I'm live from Colleen's Man Cave (CMC) ready to get overloaded with NFL for 11 straight hours. Ready to enjoy a day with my bro's and other friends who have promised to keep things entertaining for this running diary...and 2 minutes before kickoff, I'm completely alone in here. Where the fuck is everyone?

10:00 - While I have the place to myself, a quick description's in order: I'm in a 15x12 shed behind Neil's house, staring at 2 40" flatscreens mounted on the wall. Neil's old couches account for all of the available seating, and there is Boston sports paraphernalia all over the walls. The Tom Brady-signed Patriots helmet (protected by glass) is the cherry on top. A perfect sports-watching environment.

10:02 - If you're curious, we're tracking the following teams for betting purposes: Titans, Browns, Colts, Jags, Vikings, Lions & Bucs. Am I overextended in my betting for these early games? Who asked you anyway. On 1 TV we're watching the Red Zone Channel (obviously), and on the other...this is a tough call with no Patriots on right now. I guess Jets/Brown? I'd say we should watch the game w/ the combined most money bet by the group of watchers, but once again, I'm all alone.

10:05 - Neil finally arrives...holding a hammer? Is now a good time for cosmetic repairs?

10:07 - We just watched 3 fumbles in 2 games over a 4 minute span. Has the quality of football ever been worse? Seriously, besides the top 4 teams in the AFC (Pats, Steelers, Colts, Ravens) and the top 2 teams in the NFC (Giants, Falcons), do any of the other 26 teams deserve to be in the NFL this year? And yes, I purposely left the Jets out because they're overrated.

10:08 - Colleen just arrived with my hot chocolate!

10:14 - On cue, Chad Pennington walking to the locker room after 2:30 of game time. Well that was a fun experiment. I guess this opens the door for him to win his 3rd "comeback player of the year" award next season?

10:16 - Neil tries to subtly dub this room "the Toolbox." Not sure that's gonna stick. He also refers to today as the "soft opening" because there are kinks that need to get worked out. As of now, that list includes a table for drinks, fixing the glare from the windows, figuring out a password for admittance, and that's about it. Gotta say, early results are all positive for the Toolbox.

10:28 - Pueto arrives. Finally, no more awkward silences with just me & Neil hanging out.

10:31 - Pueto looks the way I feel right now, meaning this might be the most hungover either of us have been in a long, long time. This doesn't bode well for keeping a running blog for the next 9 hours.

10:33 - Neil continues a disturbing, 8-week trend of calling referee Jerome Boger "jive turkey." Here's the man he's talking about:

10:39 - We have our first major announcement in the Toolbox: Neil informs us Ben will not be attending today's soft open...not a single person even blinks at this news.

10:51 - I fart, Neil informs me that's the first fart in the CMC, Aaron corrects him, "That's the first audible fart, Neil." Well played, Pueto.

10:53 - Just when we think this set up couldn't get any better, Neil blows our minds by turning 1 of the TVs into the internet & pulling up real time Bodog lines on the screen. Congrats, Neil. You're 2 TVs & 1 scantily-clad waitress away from ending the March Madness Vegas Tradition.

10:57 - I spoke too soon. Neil just spent the last 4 minutes trying to find the "search bar button" on the remote for the internet TV. I think he's in over his head now.

11:13 - Oops...16-minute break to sneak in a quick nap on the floor...it honestly feels like Suicide Sunday today (AKA, the Sunday we travel home from Vegas every March).

11:20 - One reason why I love Colleen hanging out watching the games with us: when we say ridiculous or unclear things, she has no problem calling us on it. We just used the word "barnburner" 4 times in 2 minutes, and when she asked what that meant, Neil responded with this (paraphrasing): "It means a close game with both teams marching up & down the field scoring a lot of points...you know, like if a barn was on fire you'd be running back & forth trying to save everything."

11:23 - Tampa Bay goes up 21-10 on Carolina and we get our first round of high-fives in the Toolbox. Needless to say there's a significant amount of cash on TB to cover the 6.5 points today.

11:44 - Watching Houston play, it finally clicks...this is the team that caused me to be horrible in 4-of-5 fantasy leagues this year. Sure, there's a lot of different reasons for my ineptitude (Jonathan Stewart as a keeper, anyone?), but banking so much on Houston to essentially lead the NFL in scoring, and doing so by passing the majority of the time seems to take the cake. I'm always 1 year off on the team I ride in fantasy.

11:58 - Gotta say, I'm a bit concerned about the entertainment factor for the rest of the day... no Ben at all, and no Mike so far.

12:05 - Listening in on Pueto doing his bi-monthly check-in with Neil to see if he owes him any money. Neil must not realize he could make up anything & Pueto would be convinced.

12:08 - Most of the games ending the 3rd quarter. Watching Tennessee/Miami, hold on, I gotta check the internet to make sure Vince Young has indeed played QB before in his life. Yup, turns out he has. Never would have guessed by some of these passes & near fumbles (auhor's note: VY finished 9-of-18 for 62yds and a 60.4 passer rating. Solid effort)

12:15 - Glad I didn't fall asleep again because I just witnessed this exchange
-Neil: "If I could take 1 body part from any person, I'd take AP's thighs."
-Pueto: "Strong, black thighs? That'd look a little strange with the rest of your body."

12:19 - Henne goes down!! Huge cheers from the Toolbox! Yes, we all bet on Tennessee today, with me even rushing through a shower at Neil's to get a few more bucks on them. Miami's 3rd QB of the day (4th if you count Ronnie Brown), it's your move.

12:20 - Finally, Mike arrives....with a girl? Mike, Man Cave, c'mon! Boooooooo...

12:30 - As promised, Mike quickly breaks out his betting cheatsheet. Today it's in the form of an old envelope. Money must be getting tight if Mike can't splurge for the laminated offensive coordinator's card.

12:32 - Dumbest question in the Man Cave so far. Neil asks Mike, "Did you know Bodog has live betting?" Mike responds that they started that after he repeatedly petitioned that they allow it.

12:35 - Controversy on the TVs! Houston TD, no wait, incomplete, no Kevin Walter was just holding the ball up for the ref to see...dear Lord, why can't the NFL figure out the rules for something that a 3-year-old understands. Colleen is riled up. She's not even sure why there's a decision to be made on this.

12:40 - Twenty minutes until the 2nd round of games kick off, and without any of us mentioning it, Neil knows to put the live Bodog lines up on the 2nd TV. Mike stands up and moves to within 3 inches of the TV to get a real good look at this thing. Mike points out his favorite games of the afternoon. They include, well, all of them.

12:43 - Question: If you can get a +170 moneyline bet on a 4-4 team playing a 2-6 team, you have to put at least a small wager on it, right? How are the 9ers favored over the Rams?

12:47 - Favorite part of the day coming up...a flurry of late-game activity for the in-progress games. Right now we're featuring Jets/Browns on 1 TV...53 seconds left, Browns on the 2-yard line, down 7.

1:00 - From what I can tell, Mike's pacing at 1 Corona per 20 minutes. This should get interesting in about 40 more minutes.

1:03 - In the middle of a calm CMC moment....Jacksonville hail mary TD!! Gus Johnson, improbable TD, Houston's DB knocking the ball into Mike Thomas's hands in the endzone! Total chaos in the CMC! Meanwhile, Pueto nearly throws up. No idea if that's because of the hangover or Houston not covering.

1:07 - Late games we're tracking for betting purposes...all of them. Mike talked us into it.

1:08 - Wow, Cleveland driving in OT. I mention to the guys how impressive it is that the Browns are about to win 3 in a row over the Saints, Pats, and Jets--

1:09 - On cue a Chancey Stuckey fumble gives the Jets life! The legend of Ross the Jinx continues.

1:15 - Is it a sign of watching too much football when you not only know the name of every referee within 5 seconds of seeing them, but also know how many years they've been reffing, what game they did last week, and what their tendencies are?

1:26 - Strange moment just now. I see that KC is down 14-0 already & expect the rest of these guys to be as pissed off as I am. Nope. Neil, Mike, and Pueto all seem unfazed by this. Weird considering we all IMed during the week all agreeing we were betting KC strong. After a couple weeks off the KC bandwagon, I happily announced my return to it earlier this week, and I was welcomed with open arms. Apparently I didn't get the memo that everyone else got scared off some time between Wednesday & now. Fuck.

1:29 - Interesting phenomenon developing: even though the bathroom is only 25 feet away, in the house, we're all waiting for Neil to piss in the bushes outside the Toolbox so we can all do the same.

1:39 - Jets/Browns finally finish. The Browns would have won that game if Jake Delhomme had been playing. JOKING! But shit, really Cleveland? The Jets should have that ugly blemish of a tie on their record.

1:50 - My afternoon bets quickly going down the drain. This leads to me quietly asking Neil if he has any whiskey. Hangover over?

1:52 - Neil is now setting non-football odds: odds of me unable to drive home later tonight (12-to-1 right now). Odds for 1st person to spank it in the CMC: Mike going off at 5-to-2 odds.

2:04 - Earlier today I was telling Pueto & Mike about a new theory I have around fantasy football drafting. Remember a few years ago when we started to identify the cluster fuck that is RB time-sharing? Well I think this year is the start of QB time-sharing. Beyond the top 7-8 QBs, think about how many teams have had 2+ QBs play significant time this year either because of injury, ineffectiveness, or just because of a coach's weekly preference. Denver just helped prove this theory by bringing in Tebow on the 1-yard line for another TD (I think Tebow would do this a couple more times in this game). Theory proved. Shit, just gave up my draft strategy for next year--all WRs all the time.

2:29 - How is this happening? Giants down 16, KC getting crushed 35-0, and Seattle up 17-10. The exact opposite of what I thought would happen with the late games.

2:39 - We've got the CMC, the Man Cave, and the Toolbox. Colleen just coined a new term for this bomb shelter we're currently in--the Princess Palace. Love it.

2:55 - Colleen asks, "Do you guys like Sunday football more for the football or the food?" ...checking Bodog account. On a day like today, the food, Colleen.

2:58 - Speaking of food, Neil finally with a redeeming move today: brings out homemade onion rings, fries, mozzarella sticks & nachos.

3:01 - Mike proactively looking for the Man Cave's defibrillator.

3:18 - Another discussion in the CMC that could be construed as "controversial." A few weeks ago, Neil & I started referring to Jamaal Charles as "fast black," and Thomas Jones as "slow black." Watch a KC game, it makes sense, right?

3:30 - I know the afternoon games haven't even finished up, but I'm tired, a little drunk (whiskey #3 being downed as I write this), and sick of staring at my computer. This running diary is coming to a screeching halt. I'll need full concentration to watch the Pats destroy the Steelers in a couple hours anyway.

*If you've made it this far, congrats. Sorry if that got boring or repetitive. But now for the rule change for next year's fantasy season: we're adding a Flex Player to the active rosters. Let's face it, this league is the most bland of any leagues we play in when it comes to rosters. Next year there will be a starting spot for any offensive player you'd like to put there. QB, WR, RB, TE... start a fucking fullback for all I care.
I expect no one to bitch about this rule change, pretending like you would have drafted differently this year, or manipulated your roster differently.