It looks like we may be heading for 2 upsets in the Divisional Round. The 4th-seeded Polar Bears got off to a tough start even though Rivers put up 22 tonight. Anthony Dixon (3 points) and Vernon Davis (0 points) really put Fred in a tough spot. That's what you get for being a 9ers loyalist. I'm already excited to see 4 RBs on Fred's bench outscore Dixon this week. The 5th-seeded Four 3 Year Olds got 10 points out of Mike Tolbert, a solid start considering he didn't whiff on other players like his opponent.
And in the much-anticipated 3 vs 6 matchup, we may be heading for a colossal upset. Market & Crack, the 6 seed, is currently projected to put up 135 on the 3-seeded Team 1818A. Werner didn't help his cause by starting Malcolm Floyd, who didn't play tonight. Maybe Werner was just sick of winning so easily in the playoffs & wanted to add a degree of difficulty. Also, if I was running Team 1818A, I'd seriously consider starting BenJarvus Green-Ellis over AP this weekend. I know it sounds ridiculous...but I also know that Chicago's game plan is to make "Ramsey or Webb beat us," so I highly doubt AP's going to have much room to work with. Either way, it was a fun season for you, Werner, better luck next year.
Moving on...
Last week I decided it would be fun to write out fake newspaper headlines for the outcome of each week 14 matchup. Basically, I wrote out headlines as if I were writing for the local paper of each team. And I also put a funnier headline/quote in parentheses. I took a look at where all the games stood as of 6pm last Sunday night, and wrote it out at that time. I just happen to be lazy enough to not update these headlines even though there were some minor changes to the way things shook out this past weekend.
Without further ado, here they are:
Bink vs 4 3year Olds
“Rodgers injury no harm to Four 3 year olds, as they lock up the 6 seed…” (Championship hopes now rest on Carson Palmer’s shrugging shoulders)
Or…
“The Bink shows heart with gutsy season-ending win…” (Are you fucking kidding me? They couldn’t even tank the end of the season the right way? Lost the #1 2011 pick on a final-day tiebreaker?)
(Notes: Four 3 Year Olds actually pulled off the win, got the 5 seed, and I did somehow lock up the 1st pick next year.)Polar Bears vs Team1818A
“Late season meltdown continues as the underachieving Polar Bears underachieve again…” (Maybe if Rex, er…Fred kept his damn mouth shut and focused on coaching instead.)
Or…
“Impressive surge continues as Team 1818A takes 6th win in last 7 tries to lock up home game in week 1 of playoffs…” (See, Chris Johnson, you show up and good things actually happen…)
(Notes: What a riveting game this was...Fred basically had his whole team playing on Monday night, and Werner had only AP. Peterson put up only 2 points; Fred's players put up 61 points on Monday, and he lost by 1...wow.)Dorchestah Snafu’s vs Team Preiss
“With key early season injuries and more-than-questionable in-season trade, Dorchestah Snafu’s go quietly as expected…” (Excitement over keeper potential for next year at a minimum due to knowledge of the eventual bad trade involving those keepers.)
Or…
“Team Preiss teases us the whole way as week 14 win can’t bring them to the promised land…” (For the Love of God, Matt, bring on a co-owner to save you from yourself.)
(Notes: McCoy's 14 points for Ben on Sunday night made MattyP's end of season even more pathetic. They tied 85-85, and Ben won the "most bench points" tiebreaker. Matty lands in 9th place, and Ben lost more important tiebreakers for a playoff spot. Everyone was a loser in this game.)Market & Crack vs JohnThomasMoynahan
“Market&Crack stops 4-game skid with crucial win, ensures playoff spot…” (Despite Kyle Orton’s best efforts to dick them over, Market gets the win…Neil should probably play Peyton for the short time that he’ll be alive in the playoffs.)
Or...
“This is more like it…JTM comes back down to earth to blow regular season championship…” (Anyone who looks at this streak-busting loss & says better to have it now than the playoffs is ignoring one crucial fact: this team is disgustingly mediocre.)
(Notes: Yup, this one worked out exactly as my headlines predicted. I guess my "for the short time he'll be alive in the playoffs" comment might be wrong. I'm so excited for Blanchette to lose his 1st playoff game.)Pueto vs My last year
“Finally put out of their misery, Motherflipping Pueto can get to work on next year’s #1 overall pick strategy…” (Is Pueto a terrible owner who just lost 6 straight to end the season, or a brilliant owner who knew he didn’t have a championship team and decided to chase that #1 pick?)
Or…
“MyLastYear(Maybe), 2010 Champs! Get a week off before beginning their playoff run…” (MyLastYear’s 2010 season incredibly similar to the movie Major League…heartless owner threatening to quit/move the team, the team bands together with a magical season, throwing a giant “go fuck yourself” back at the owner.)
(Notes: Aaron really did try to get that #1 pick for next year. Unfortunately he underestimated my ability to be really really bad at fantasy sports. And as an FYI for anyone in the playoffs, Mike is celebrating his Regular Season Championship with a 2-week Brazilian vacation. Like the fantastic owner he is, he timed it to be gone during these playoffs. There's a 90% chance he'll forget to check his lineup for next week.)
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