Another One Bites the Dust?

You might be thinking the title of this post is in reference to the Ryan Grant injury. You'd be wrong.

Maybe you're thinking it represents the Jets--just another team in a long line of losers who talked a ton of trash before the season began only to have the Pats stomp on their hopes & dreams (I'm this certain the Pats win on Sunday, no need to worry about a jinx). Again, you'd be wrong.

Sadly, the Queen reference is for MattyP, the most recent man to be swindled into an eternity of having to check with his wife before he agrees on fantasy draft dates & everything else fun in this world. So congrats on the engagement, MattyP. Best Man's toast is already prepared so don't worry about me procrastinating.

Moving on...

How did week 1 go for everyone? Personally I was hoping the 1st week of the season would answer all my questions about the multitude of sketchy players I drafted this year. Week 1 did nothing like that. All it did was make me question why I play fantasy football...why I pretend like I know this fucking mess of a hobby. My entire team--starters + bench--combined for 103 points. Most importantly, my 4 RBs on the roster combined for 6 points. Six....led by Shonn Greene's magnificent -1 point. But it's week 1, right? Too early to panic? Oh wait, rotowire.com called Greene a "fumbling stumbling mess," and his coach said he'll be splitting carries w/ a washed up veteran from now on.
By the way, from the "sometimes it's better to be lucky than good" department, at least Ben grabbed Grant 1 pick before me, pissing me off at that time, but making me feel very fortunate to have settled for Greene now.

Enough about me. Let's take a look at the rest of the league.

Aaron, wow, your entire team actually put up 5 less points than mine. Incredible. It might be valuable in future weeks for more than 1 person on your roster to throw up double digit points. But hey, you beat me by 10. I'm sure the league fears you.

Fred, high scorer of the week. Congrats! You win the weekly prize of being the 3rd team mentioned in the blog. You really kept the momentum going from the baseball leag....oh, shit, 7th place & out of the playoffs in fantasy baseball? My bad. Wow, just noticing now that Arian Foster would have lost to my team by just 10 points this week. Did you know that over 50% of your points came out of 1 game (Houston/Indy)? Be thankful they played that game, buddy. They almost didn't. Also, you better hope & pray your starting lineup stays productive & healthy because your bench blows.

MattyP, your bench is worse. Since I'm on a roll with telling the readers how many total points an entire roster scored last week, I feel obligated to let them know yours scored 95. I feel like that's low.

Neil, the only other team to break 100 besides Fred, good work, I guess? Before I even get through all the teams, I have to assume you'd be the most encouraged by this week. Not only a win & 2nd most points, but your bench players were pretty incredible as well. I'm already excited for the next few weeks where you tinker with the starting lineup and inevitably start the wrong guys every time. That'll be fun for the rest of us.

Ben...Ben, Ben, Ben (shaking head in disbelief even though you've proven your "wildcard" status over the last 5 years). Even for you it seems impossible that your 2 keepers & your #1 pick are effectively off your team already. How does that happen? The Grant injury blows, but I just wonder how many other managers would respond to this by trading away his 2 keepers. One of those keepers is Tom Brady. After a week in which the Pats offense looked amazing, Brady looked like '07 version, and with you being a huge Pats fan...just fascinating. Not judging the trade as good or bad, just somewhat mind-blowing.

Mike, the week 1 loser who was closest to winning, ouch. Down by 16 going into Monday night, gets awesome games from Gates & Jets D (25 pts combined) and loses by 1. Those easy missed FGs by the Saints kicker really hurt now huh? A few more weeks like this and maybe it's best if this is your last year.

Werner, carrying over a theme from fantasy baseball....you lucky lucky bastard. Only 3 guys in the starting lineup who actually contributed a decent amount & you still escape with a W. MattyP & Ben are already collaborating on a special book called, "How Belgian Luck Ruined My Life."
How did it feel to root for Romo against your own team? I know you were rooting for him you son of a bitch.

Blanchette...on a scale of 1-10 right now, how concerned are you with your RB situation? I'd assume it's at a 12 or so. Make no mistake about it, the Bills have a chance to be historically bad on offense so I see Spiller spending a lot of time on your bench. I guess you'll be relying on the health of Beanie? At least your starting QB and a few WRs look good...that'll keep you afloat for a while. But just like every other fantasy league we play in, it looks like this is gonna be a long year for the JTMs.

Scott, oh how I wish you lost by 8 points instead of winning by 8. Because then the Calvin Johnson non-TD would have been so much more fun to discuss. Instead I really have nothing to say about your team. Except that your 4 receivers combining for 12 points seems to be troublesome.

And now for the week ahead...previewing week 2 matchups:
1). The Bink (Me) vs. Market & Crack (Neil) - Neil wins. Until I break out of what's becoming a multi-sport fantasy slump, I am projecting myself to lose every game. Only chance I have is if Neil's infatuation w/ the Raiders blows up in his face.

2). JohnThomasMoynahan (Blanchette) vs. Team Preiss (MattyP) - Hmm...QBs cancel each other out, and then it's basically Blanchette's WRs vs Matty's RBs...tough one. Projecting Blanchette to pull off the upset.

3). MotherFlippin Pueto (Pueto) vs. Team 1818A (Werner) - Another upset pick here, Aaron wins. This could be 1 of the tougher weeks for Werner's unfair RB tandem, Peterson vs Miami and Johnson vs Pitt. The rest of Werner's team is underwhelming at best.

4). Dorchestah United (Ben) vs. Four 3 Year Olds (Scott) - Oooooo....the natural rivals face off again. Fresh off a monster trade, Ben gets to see how his new team stacks up. Though predicted to win by 26 points, I'm calling my 3rd straight upset here, saying Scott takes it down w/ huge games from Rodgers, Moss, Calvin.

5). Polar Bears Rule (Fred) vs. My Last Year (Mike) - I'm not sure what this means for the rest of us, but just looking at the 2 starting lineups of these teams makes it seem like they drafted in a 2-team league. Was that sentence confusing? They both have incredible-looking starting lineups compared to us. I'm scared. They seem almost equal...ESPN projects an amazing 120-118 win for Mike, and I'm going with Mike's team to win. The Brady factor over Fred's poor excuse for a QB, Palmer, gives Mike the edge.

Can't wait to see me go 0-5 on these projections.

P.S. I'm off to Aruba & NYC for 9 days so likely no blog (or really short blog) after week 2 games.

Good luck to everyone except for Neil.