Back from the brief hiatus, I'm choosing not to go into the gory details of the amazing vacation I just had. You definitely don't want to hear about 6 days of glorious relaxation in Aruba--where the most stressful thing I had to do each day was decide whether to stand on the white sandy beach or in 3 feet of warm, clear ocean water when playing frisbee at sunset.
But since this is a football blog, I feel obligated to tell you how we spent our time 2 Sundays ago. I'll tell you in as few words as possible: swim-up bar, red zone channel, cooler full of beer, fruity happy hour drinks, blacked out by 7pm as the Patriots were just about finished getting manhandled. Tough life.
This past Saturday, in NYC for a wedding, I had the pleasure of meeting up with Fred (Polar Bears for those of you who don't know Fred) for a few hours that night. For those of you who know the Ross/Fred friendship dynamic, you know I get no satisfaction from hanging out with Fred like I do with the rest of my friends. But Saturday night was priceless because I got to hear these words from him: "Dude, the 9ers are fine. They had a tough start, but they almost beat New Orleans and tomorrow (against KC) they'll start their run."
When I responded with something like, "I don't even know if they can win that division now," Fred one upped himself with, "Not only will they win the division, but I think they still have a solid shot at going to the Super Bowl."
Like I said, priceless.
Speaking of priceless, how about me going 5-0 on my predictions of the week 2 matchups. I'm pissed that I missed week 3 predictions, but at the end of this post you can bet your ass I'll be giving predictions for week 4, and I fully expect to continue the undefeated streak.
Since it's already Wednesday & I'm low on time, let's stop pussyfooting around and jump right into a quick recap of Week 3:
The Bink (66) beats Dorchester United (44): The fantasy football equivalent of last year's Cleveland 6, Buffalo 3 outcome in week 5 of the NFL season. My team, as I've stated, blows. My best weeks are going to be when I score in the low 80s. That's obvious. But, uh, Ben? You realize your entire team, bench included threw up 62 points, right? Remember that trade you made a couple weeks back? I hope that MoJo & Big Ben finish the season in the top 5 at their positions because that's the only way that trade will look decent for you. Go ahead & drop Favre whenever you need a free roster spot; I promise you he won't be picked up. Ben is clearly banking on 2 guys returning from suspension soon to right the 0-3 ship. Good luck to you, sir.
JohnThomasMoynhan (96) beats Polar Bears Rule (92): Just a disappointing weekend for Fred. After talking ignorantly about the 9ers, and watching his girlfriend eye fuck the shit out of me all Saturday night, he gets beat by the team I make fun of most (besides my own). And the difference was made between the Sunday night & Monday night games, when Brandon Marshall outscored LT & Packers D by 3 points. Most amazing...6 of 7 bench players for the PBears put up 0 points. Whether they played or not isn't important; the team's got no bench. On the other side is a surging JTM team, scoring in the 90s for the 2nd straight week. I do believe Blanchette should be erecting a shrine dedicated to Peyton Hillis to express his gratitude. Now comes the fun few weeks where Blanchette agonizes over which QB to start, Schaub or Vick. Either that, or he trades Vick for not enough value just because he's wasting away on the bench.
Team1818A (131) beats Market & Crack (93): Neil, a few positives to take away from this disappointing loss: your best possible starting lineup still would have lost by 16 points (nothing you could do), and if we changed the rules where the winner was determined by most total points between starters + bench, you and Werner would have tied. The negatives: you now go into week 4 with Charles on a bye and Rice & Best possibly not playing.
And to the higher scorer of the week, Werner, well let's just say everyone is particularly excited you got knocked out of the baseball playoffs in the semi's, on the final game of Sunday. Pretty simple formula for this Team1818A group...if Johnson & Peterson stay healthy, this team will be near impossible to beat most weeks. But 1 key injury to those guys, Werner's season is beyond over.
Team Preiss (98) beats Mother Flippin' Pueto (86): MattyP really needed this one, guys. The guy was practically on suicide watch Sunday night as he realized his fantasy baseball team was falling short of the championship game, again. The language coming off his fingertips and onto my computer screen is even too harsh to print in this particularly liberal blog. So, Aaron, thanks for keeping 1 of our friends alive. And Aaron, as you know, a simple insertion of Cedric Benson over Addai would have won you the week. And also, if Flacco stays consistent, you'll have a spoil of good QBs at your disposal. I see a big trade in your future.
My Last Year (109) beats Four 3 Years Olds (97): Ahh, unlucky Scott. Would have beaten 6 of the other 8 teams in the league this week. Too bad. The good news is you can still blame this on your archnemesis in a roundabout way. If Ben hadn't handed Brady & Jennings to Mike, you have to believe you could have won this matchup. The RB position must be a huge concern to the Four 3's at this point. I'd say a trade is in order, but it doesn't appear you have many trading chips at other positions.
Mike, just a boring, boring win this week. The boringness + you being the last team I review = not getting a lot of press time in this instance of the world's greatest blog. I will say, however, that it's quite cute that 1 of your keepers will not have cracked your starting lineup through 4 weeks. That's always the telltale sign of a powerhouse team.
On to week 4 predictions...
The Bink vs. JohnThomasMoynahan: With a RB situation that's in absolute shambles, it'd be tough for me to predict my own team winning this week. But wait, there's a sweet waiver claim in the works for The Bink, and if I get it, well, no, I still lose this week. The 4some of Vick, Mendenhall, Marshall and Welker is simply too much for The Bink to handle. Blanchette wins.
Dorchester United vs. Team 1818A: Maybe this is bad for me to preview matchups on a Wednesday. As of now, Ben has no QB on his roster who is playing this week, and same goes for TE. I have to imagine some waiver/free agent pickups are on the way. Geez, Ben, you think when you trade for 2 QBs you'd make sure 1 of them is always available to start. Werner, on the other hand, has some very tough matchups this week & AP is on a bye. If ever there was a week to take advantage of him, this would be the one. I just don't see the upset though. Werner wins, Ben goes to 0-4 (immediately makes 3 trades).
Team Preiss vs. My Last Year (Maybe): For MattyP, this week hinges entirely on the health of Steven Jackson. If unhealthy, he'll be forced to start the talent known as Laurence Maroney @ Tennessee. I don't see that ending well. And actually, this one's an easy call. Mike wins, easy. When the biggest unknown going into your week is the Kicker spot, you're in good shape. See a solid week from all positions on this team.
Market & Crack vs. Polar Bears Rule: Tough week for Neil considering there are 5 byes on his team, and 3 other players are banged up (Breaston out, Best questionable & Rice questionable). Sorta feels like I don't even have to look at Fred's team to project him to win. Not only does Fred have his ideal lineup intact, but many of them have favorable matchups this week. I see this being a victory for Fred, and the largest margin of victory of the week.
Mother Flippin' Pueto vs. Four 3 Year Olds: Pueto going back to what worked at QB in his 2 wins earlier this year--starting Matt Ryan. And trying to make up for last week's blunder, he's inserting Benson over Addai. Needs a K & Def through free agency...really don't love this team in week 4. For Scott, bad matchups at WR this week, a RB who may not be able to play (but probably will), I still like Scott to win.
So for those of you who didn't read any of that & just want the facts, I'm predicting the following winners in week 4:
-JohnThomasMoynahan
-Team1818A
-My Last Year (Maybe)
-Polar Bears Rule
-Four 3 Year Olds
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