This whole "work" thing fucking blows. Those of you in the fantasy baseball league remember the days where'd I pump out blog posts that were both on time and insightful? It feels like so long ago when I had that freedom to roll out of bed at 10:30, make myself a tasty hot coco, suck down a chalky bong rip, and get to work on the blog.
Now look at me...holed up in a conference room trying to discreetly bang out this post so I can keep my loyal readers happy. In the meantime, you should see the things I do every time my boss or any other VPs pass by this conference room. There's the fake phone call, with me yelling into a non-functioning phone, "You want how many users of Salesforce.com?? 600? I'll get right on it." (picture me doing this while giving a thumbs-up to my passing boss).
There's also the "look down at my computer & put my hands on my head while looking ultra-stressed." This one works particularly good right now because it's the last day of our quarter, so naturally all reps who are committed to their jobs are wheeling & dealing, trying to get that last bit of business in the door.
But not me... screw commissions, screw hitting my number...I'm all about spending my time posting a blog that people don't comment on & get to read for free.
On to football...
Is it me or does it seem like this NFL season is ridiculously unpredictable? My bodog account certainly agrees. And is this some of the worst football you've ever seen played? Did anyone watch that Redskins/Bears game last weekend? 9 turnovers, and the team that turned it over 6 times only lost by a Field Goal. Have you ever seen a worse field of "best teams" than Pittsburgh, NYJ and New England? Gross.
And looking at our fantasy league, it's safe to say the same thing is going on. No team is running away with 1st place, and only 1 team is running away with last place. Other than my putrid excuse for a ball club, the other 9 teams are tightly bunched up going into the 2nd half of the season.
Speaking of...did you know we're at the halfway point of the season right now? Because of that, and also because I'm going to get fired if I spend the next 3 hours writing this thing, I'm going to do something different, simpler, for the rest of the blog...Let's take a look at each team, in order of standings, and discuss which players are having the biggest effect on their season. Basically, I'm going to list out how many players in the top 50 of fantasy scoring are on each of your teams, where they rank & where they were drafted (or when picked up on waivers if applicable).
T-1st: Four 3 Year Olds (5-2, 606 points for)
Number of top 50 players: 4
-Rodgers = 3rd (keeper)
-Steelers D = 27th (13th round)
-Forte = 28th (5th round)
-Cal Johnson = 35th (4th round)
Scott surrounded Rodgers with a couple great picks in the 3rd & 4th rounds, but he also missed badly on a few....specifically keeping Randy Moss (not ranked in top 100), grabbing Pierre Thomas in the 3rd round & Felix Jones in the 6th. It's actually pretty hard to understand how this team's in 1st place right now.
T-1st: JohnThomasMoynahan (5-2, 580 PF)
Number of top 50 players: 6
-Schaub = 22nd (keeper)
-Mendenhall = 23rd (keeper)
-Hillis = 30th (picked up on 9/16)
-Britt = 41st (drafted 11th round by Market & Crack, picked up on 10/14 by JTM)
-Cassel = 43rd (picked up on 10/21)
-Vick = T-50th (picked up 9/16)
What a nice surprise that 1 of 2 teams I pick on the most is actually succeeding this year. And how has he done it? Beats me...I guess having no player ranked in the top 20 of fantasy scoring, and having 3 of your top 6 guys play the same position is a recipe for success? Some notable disappointmens in Blanchette's draft are: Beanie Wells (4th round), Welker (5th round), and Spiller (7th round).
T-3rd: Polar Bears Rule (4-3, 711 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 5
-Foster = 2nd (5th round)
-Rivers = 5th (kept by The Bink, traded on 10/15)
-LT = 16th (11th round)
-TO = 42nd (12th round)
-Boldin = 48th (4th round)
Not that it needs to be said, but this is the team we should all be worried about. One of those cases where you need to look beyond the 4-3 record and notice Fred's team has put up the most points in the league...38 more points than 2nd place. Having 3 players in the top 20 certainly helps. It also helps to get a couple "steals" in the later rounds in LT & TO. What about the disappointments you ask? How about keeping Andre Johnson? Sure, he'll probably provide top WR value by the end of the year, but so far he's had exactly 2 productive weeks. Not too many boneheaded moves in the draft for PBears...and it probably helps his cause that I essentially handed him Rivers on a silver platter. Fucking PBears...
T-3rd: My Last Year (Maybe) (4-3, 673 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 4
-Brady = 14th (kept by Dorchester, traded on 9/16)
-Gates = 17th (5th round)
-Collie = 25th (11th round)
-Bradshaw = 40th (7th round)
-Torain = T-50th (picked up on 10/7)
How does a team with 2 keepers not even ranking in the top 50 become so competitive on a weekly basis? Especially considering that one of the keepers, Knowshon, has been a virtue "no show" all year (channeled my inner Ben for that joke). Maybe it has something to do with getting a top 10 QB & top 10 WR via trade when all it had to give up was 2 lesser QBs & 1 underachieving RB. That's how you build a top tier team baby!
T-3rd: Mother Flippin' Pueto (4-3, 616 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 5
-White = 12th (keeper)
-Ryan = 13th (10th round)
-Gore = 15th (keeper)
-Flacco = 24th (6th round)
-McNabb = 37th (12th round)
Seems like this is the first team where I can say that both keepers have worked out relatively well. Aren't keepers supposed to be sure things? Why aren't more of us able to keep the right players? Maybe this is the team with the most above average talent, but no one that blows you away. No players ranked in the top 10, but 4 in the top 25. I'm still confused by a couple teams, like this one, who ended up with 3 QBs in the top 50...is that a good thing? a bad thing? a neutral thing? The reason why Pueto's team is just a touch above mediocrity is evident in looking at rounds 3-5 in the draft: while he was out there grabbing Benson, Desean Jackson, and Addai (average, above average but hurt, hurt), he was passing on players like Arian Foster, Matt Forte and LeSean McCoy. Those are some critical rounds to miss on.
T-3rd: Team PREISS (4-3, 588 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 3
-Brees = 7th (keeper)
-S. Jackson = 39th (3rd round)
-Turner = 46th (keeper)
On the one hand, this is the only team so far to "nail" his keepers + 1st pick in the draft. Good work, Matty. On the other hand, only 3 players in the top 50, and only 1 in the top 38. This team is overachieving a bit...evidenced by being the only above .500 team to have a negative point differential. This is a top-heavy team without many players who could step up and have an impact...maybe Lance Moore? Good to see Matty's not budging on keeping Vinny Jackson on his bench. Way to stick to your guns, dude. And the Favre pickup I'm sure will come in handy.
T-7th: Market & Crack (3-4, 642 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 6
-P. Manning = 1st (3rd round)
-Orton = 6th (picked up on 9/16)
-McFadden = 9th (10th round)
-Nicks = 20th (7th round)
-Best = 31st (4th round)
-Maclin = 47th (9th round)
-Charles = T-50th (keeper)
If someone's gonna be getting screwed in this league, I'm glad it's Neil. And make no mistake about it, he's getting railroaded here. He's scored the 3rd most points in the league, yet would miss out on the playoffs if they began today. As expected, he's allowed the most points--44 more points than the 2nd highest team. Look at those players above. Three players in the top 10, seven in the top 50. And all but 1 were drafted. Neil might have outdrafted the rest of the league this year. The obvious weakenss is at WR, and if Neil was wise, he'd think about trading 1 of the solid 4 RBs he's hoarding for some receiver help.
T-7th: Team 1818A (3-4, 608 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 5
-AP = 4th (keeper)
-Romo = 8th (4th round) = RIP
-C. Johnson = 10th (keeper)
-Palmer = 11th (drafted by PBears in 10th round, picked up on 10/28)
-Fitzpatrick = 21st (picked up on 10/28)
-Lloyd = 38th (picked up on 9/30)
Good Lord. Has anyone ever drafted worse than Werner? In any sport, ever? In case you aren't smart enough to infer what the above means, it means that Werner drafted exactly 1 players this year who currently sit in the top 50 of fantasy scoring. And that player is out for 2+ months (Romo). He kept 2 guys who are up there, and then made those 3 pick ups (2 recent enough that they haven't even played a game for his team yet). Werner, you're making my pre-season prediction of you finishing w/ a top-3 seed look awful. Maybe you won't be talking so much shit about "resetting the league so it's a more even playing field." The luck factor is finally swinging back around.
9th = Dorchester United (2-5, 539 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 2
-McCoy = 18th (5th round)
-Titans D = 34th (picked up 10/14)
Now we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel, huh? Don't worry, Ben. There's still 1 more team worse off than you. I've already written about this, but your 9th place standing might have something to do with "interesting" decision-making (trading your 2 keeprs--Brady & Jennings), as well as bad luck (Grant = 3rd round pick). Other than McCoy in the 5th round, Ben went heavy on WR at the top of the draft, and whiffed on almost all of them: Colston (4th round), Ward (6th round), Garcon (7th round), S. Holmes (8th round, inconclusive results). But hey, still far & away the leader in roster moves this year.
10th = The Bink (1-6, 486 PF)
Number of Top 50 players: 3
-E. Manning = 26th (10th round)
-Sanchez = 35th (udrafted, traded from PBears on 10/15)
-Wayne = 49th (keeper for Pbears, traded on 10/15)
If any of you think your life is rough, look no further than my patheticisim to cheer you up. I'm now a combined 4-25 between fantasy baseball & football in this calendar year. This is rivaling the Rams & Lions of recent years in terms of ineptitude. I feel awful. How can someone commisionize a league if he can't even claim to know anything about football?
Need a good laugh on a Friday afternoon? Check these draft picks out:
-J. Stewart = keeper = 1 week scoring more than 6 points
-Steve Smith = 4th round = 6 total points since week 2
-Forsett = 6th round = 1 week of double-digit points
Feel better now? You should.
No predictions from me this week, I'm too depressed. And if I try to give you advice on my favorite betting lines of the week, I'll only cost you money.
Enjoy week...whatever fucking week it is.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
A Special Blog for All you Owners...
I just wanted to take this moment to thank all of you guys for constantly reading my blog posts, and more importantly, making comments on the blog or on the league page to support my writing. If it wasn't for the feedback & comments, I probably wouldn't continue writing these every wee---- oh, wait a sec (scanning all previous blog posts)...there's not a single comment on the blog posts or on the league page.
Fuck you guys.
Fuck you guys.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Panic week?
If you look at the standings and remember the season's still young, there's no reason to panic yet. But if you're more realistic, you understand that the season is already 35% over. And after an underwhelming week 5, it's time to overthink things and potentially make some hasty decisions.
As someone who knows everything that goes on in his or her league, I can tell you there has been a ton of behind-the-scenes maneuvering over the last few days. League sources confirm that a minimum of 3 players in the top 5 of fantasy scoring were shopped around this week. Sources couldn't confirm the rumor that Ben was trying to get involved in these trades by almost orchestrating the 1st ever InterFantasy Trade--offering up Durant & Pujols for Chris Johnson & AP.
The only trade that came to fruition was Thursday morning when the Polar Bears & The Bink agreed to terms on a 5-player swapperooski. The Polar Bears (2-3) traded Reggie Wayne, Ryan Mathews and Mark Sanchez and in return got Philip Rivers and Shonn Greene.
The Breakdown:
-The Bink (1-4) was having flashbacks to a 3-19 record in fantasy baseball this year and decided they couldn't stand by and watch the team go to shit without taking action. Thus the plan was hatched to trade their best player in exchange for multiple "good players" in return. I hope you're happy Binks, you get to root for 2 NY QBs the rest of the year.
-Polar Bears, time will tell if this move was the result of careful decision-making or rash, unstable behavior. If I had scored the most points in the league, I would maybe keep the band together until my terrible luck changed.
One team owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, said he would have traded for Rivers simply to keep him out of the Polar Bears lineup. This owner now thinks Fred's team is the "complete package."
I feel like the group needs to know that Fred & I had about 6 hours of intense negotiations this morning, only pausing for lunch breaks. And I must say it was a privilege to work with him. Very accommodating, very open-minded. Willing to get extra creative. Only offered up a BJ as part of his proposal once.
It seems like a particularly pathetic week when 5 teams put up less than 80 points. Only week 4 was worse overall for our league so far this year. And you know what else sucked about week 4? Everything. That was the week where every possible pick, bet and fantasy start went horribly wrong. And just like week 4, my instincts are saying this might be the 1st ever stay away week. I'll reluctantly throw out some of my "favorite" picks for the week, but just remember "favorite" in this instance is on the same level as saying my favorite Yankees player is Nick Swisher.
Here we go:
-San Diego (-8.5) @ St. Louis - I know, the Chargers are 0-3 on the road this year, and yes, they were the 1 team to fuck me out of an 8-team teaser last week, but still at some point this team's gonna put it all together. If they don't give up a special teams TD, I say they win by 10.
-Houston (-4.5) home vs. Kansas City - The Texans biggest weakness is their Passing D. Luckily, KC might have 1 of the worst passing offenses in the NFL. I'm assuming this is a low-scoring 1-TD win by Houston.
-Tampa Bay (+4.5) home vs. New Orleans - Until the Saints prove otherwise, I don't trust them to cover a spread.
-Chicago (-7) home vs. Seattle - The Bears are good enough to beat mediocre teams at home by a TD.
-Green Bay (-4) home vs. Miami - The Aaron Rodgers factor has to win a game for the Packers at some point, right? With news today that he's probable, I say the Packers win by more than a FG.
-Oakland (+7) @ San Francisco - Wait, what? The 9ers are 7-point favorites?...to win a game? This one is confusing & should yield me an amazing payoff.
-Dallas (+2) @ Minnesota - Betting against Brett Favre's arm (and penis) is easy money.
Again, I hate all of those bets, and I may change my mind 3 times between now & Sunday morning.
Moving on to the week 6 preview & predictions for our league:
The Bink vs. Team Preiss - I'm predicting myself to win this week...first time making that prediction this year. And as much as I'd like to pretend my brilliant trade is going to turn things around, it's more so because I'm completely unimpressed by MattyP's team this week. Every player on that team has been mediocre this year, and I honestly think Vincent Jackson's continued presence in the locker room is screwing with team chemistry.
Prediction: The Bink wins when Marcedes Lewis outscores Mike Sims-Walker on MNF.
Four 3 Year Olds vs. Team 1818A - This is one of those easy picks where I don't even have to look at Werner's team to know he's going to beat Scott this week. I heard a rumor that Scott was traveling recently, and Werner's holding out hope that Scott's neglection of his team continues through Sunday. Even if Scott checks on the team & makes the applicable roster moves that will allow him to field a healthy lineup, Team 1818A is still going to manhandle the 3 Year Olds. As if having AP & CJ wasn't unfair enough, Werner also lucked into having Brandon Lloyd & Malcolm Floyd, the 2nd & 4th best fantasy WRs, respectively. And their names rhyme too? Ugh, how do you do it, Werner?
Prediction: Obviously Team 1818A wins easily. Sorry, Scott. Your perch atop the league doesn't last long.
Market & Crack vs. My Last Year (Maybe) - Wow. This matchup has the potential to be legendary. Looking at Neil's team, I see what he must have envisioned when he drafted this year: Peyton projected for 27 points, his 2 young RBs (Charles & Rice) going up against soft defenses, and 3 of 4 receivers projected for double-digit days. But then you see what Mike's working with (every skill position projected for double-digits, 2 RBs going up against even softer defenses), and you get the sense this could come down to the wire. In this case the wire will be the Sunday night game where these guys have 4 players combined.
Prediction: Sorry, Mike. The Market & Crackers have a few too many reliable players this week. Neil wins a close one.
Dorchester United vs. Polar Bears Rule - The closest projected matchup, according to ESPN. This is the moment Ben's been waiting for all season--unleashing the Bigger Ben. Anything less than the 16 points for Big Ben projected by ESPN will be a disappointment. One thing that surprised when looking at Ben's team...did you know LeSean McCoy is ranked #2 overall for RBs? Did not realize that. And MoJo is #17. I'm assuming Ben expected the opposite to be the case when the season started. Though Fred gets to show off his shiny new toy in Rivers this weekend, I don't think that'll be enough to beat Dorchester. It's gonna take a big Anquan Boldin day in New England for Fred to have a shot at winning. This week is particularly important for 2 teams who feel they deserve better than their current under .500 records.
Prediction: Ben cracks triple digits & wins.
Mother Flippin' Pueto vs. JohnThomasMoynahan - Stop the presses! As I'm writing this blog, a trade has just been announced. JohnThomas is sending Donald Driver to Team Preiss & getting Michael Bush in return. Does this mean Bush will be starting this week over Mendenhall or Hillis? I have no idea. Hillis is questionable; Mendenhall is projected for only 5 as he goes up against an apparently dominant run D in the Browns. Bush is projected for 17, but with McFadden back, will he actually get there? Lots of questions surrounding this sudden move. Even if Bush starts for Blanchette's team & plays well, I'm not sure it matters. Pueto has good matchups for his QB & both RBs this week...curious why Jacobs only projected for 3 even though he's home vs. the Lions.
Prediction: Pueto's weapons outweapon Blanchette's weapons. Aaron wins a close one.
Once again, the predictions are:
-The Bink
-Team 1818A
-Market & Crack
-Dorchester United
-Mother Flippin Pueto
Last week was 4-1 again in these predictions, bringing the season total up to 13-2.
The plan for next week's blog is to change up the monotony a bit & do a review of what individual players are doing best, who drafted them, and where they were drafted.
Enjoy week 6.
As someone who knows everything that goes on in his or her league, I can tell you there has been a ton of behind-the-scenes maneuvering over the last few days. League sources confirm that a minimum of 3 players in the top 5 of fantasy scoring were shopped around this week. Sources couldn't confirm the rumor that Ben was trying to get involved in these trades by almost orchestrating the 1st ever InterFantasy Trade--offering up Durant & Pujols for Chris Johnson & AP.
The only trade that came to fruition was Thursday morning when the Polar Bears & The Bink agreed to terms on a 5-player swapperooski. The Polar Bears (2-3) traded Reggie Wayne, Ryan Mathews and Mark Sanchez and in return got Philip Rivers and Shonn Greene.
The Breakdown:
-The Bink (1-4) was having flashbacks to a 3-19 record in fantasy baseball this year and decided they couldn't stand by and watch the team go to shit without taking action. Thus the plan was hatched to trade their best player in exchange for multiple "good players" in return. I hope you're happy Binks, you get to root for 2 NY QBs the rest of the year.
-Polar Bears, time will tell if this move was the result of careful decision-making or rash, unstable behavior. If I had scored the most points in the league, I would maybe keep the band together until my terrible luck changed.
One team owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, said he would have traded for Rivers simply to keep him out of the Polar Bears lineup. This owner now thinks Fred's team is the "complete package."
I feel like the group needs to know that Fred & I had about 6 hours of intense negotiations this morning, only pausing for lunch breaks. And I must say it was a privilege to work with him. Very accommodating, very open-minded. Willing to get extra creative. Only offered up a BJ as part of his proposal once.
It seems like a particularly pathetic week when 5 teams put up less than 80 points. Only week 4 was worse overall for our league so far this year. And you know what else sucked about week 4? Everything. That was the week where every possible pick, bet and fantasy start went horribly wrong. And just like week 4, my instincts are saying this might be the 1st ever stay away week. I'll reluctantly throw out some of my "favorite" picks for the week, but just remember "favorite" in this instance is on the same level as saying my favorite Yankees player is Nick Swisher.
Here we go:
-San Diego (-8.5) @ St. Louis - I know, the Chargers are 0-3 on the road this year, and yes, they were the 1 team to fuck me out of an 8-team teaser last week, but still at some point this team's gonna put it all together. If they don't give up a special teams TD, I say they win by 10.
-Houston (-4.5) home vs. Kansas City - The Texans biggest weakness is their Passing D. Luckily, KC might have 1 of the worst passing offenses in the NFL. I'm assuming this is a low-scoring 1-TD win by Houston.
-Tampa Bay (+4.5) home vs. New Orleans - Until the Saints prove otherwise, I don't trust them to cover a spread.
-Chicago (-7) home vs. Seattle - The Bears are good enough to beat mediocre teams at home by a TD.
-Green Bay (-4) home vs. Miami - The Aaron Rodgers factor has to win a game for the Packers at some point, right? With news today that he's probable, I say the Packers win by more than a FG.
-Oakland (+7) @ San Francisco - Wait, what? The 9ers are 7-point favorites?...to win a game? This one is confusing & should yield me an amazing payoff.
-Dallas (+2) @ Minnesota - Betting against Brett Favre's arm (and penis) is easy money.
Again, I hate all of those bets, and I may change my mind 3 times between now & Sunday morning.
Moving on to the week 6 preview & predictions for our league:
The Bink vs. Team Preiss - I'm predicting myself to win this week...first time making that prediction this year. And as much as I'd like to pretend my brilliant trade is going to turn things around, it's more so because I'm completely unimpressed by MattyP's team this week. Every player on that team has been mediocre this year, and I honestly think Vincent Jackson's continued presence in the locker room is screwing with team chemistry.
Prediction: The Bink wins when Marcedes Lewis outscores Mike Sims-Walker on MNF.
Four 3 Year Olds vs. Team 1818A - This is one of those easy picks where I don't even have to look at Werner's team to know he's going to beat Scott this week. I heard a rumor that Scott was traveling recently, and Werner's holding out hope that Scott's neglection of his team continues through Sunday. Even if Scott checks on the team & makes the applicable roster moves that will allow him to field a healthy lineup, Team 1818A is still going to manhandle the 3 Year Olds. As if having AP & CJ wasn't unfair enough, Werner also lucked into having Brandon Lloyd & Malcolm Floyd, the 2nd & 4th best fantasy WRs, respectively. And their names rhyme too? Ugh, how do you do it, Werner?
Prediction: Obviously Team 1818A wins easily. Sorry, Scott. Your perch atop the league doesn't last long.
Market & Crack vs. My Last Year (Maybe) - Wow. This matchup has the potential to be legendary. Looking at Neil's team, I see what he must have envisioned when he drafted this year: Peyton projected for 27 points, his 2 young RBs (Charles & Rice) going up against soft defenses, and 3 of 4 receivers projected for double-digit days. But then you see what Mike's working with (every skill position projected for double-digits, 2 RBs going up against even softer defenses), and you get the sense this could come down to the wire. In this case the wire will be the Sunday night game where these guys have 4 players combined.
Prediction: Sorry, Mike. The Market & Crackers have a few too many reliable players this week. Neil wins a close one.
Dorchester United vs. Polar Bears Rule - The closest projected matchup, according to ESPN. This is the moment Ben's been waiting for all season--unleashing the Bigger Ben. Anything less than the 16 points for Big Ben projected by ESPN will be a disappointment. One thing that surprised when looking at Ben's team...did you know LeSean McCoy is ranked #2 overall for RBs? Did not realize that. And MoJo is #17. I'm assuming Ben expected the opposite to be the case when the season started. Though Fred gets to show off his shiny new toy in Rivers this weekend, I don't think that'll be enough to beat Dorchester. It's gonna take a big Anquan Boldin day in New England for Fred to have a shot at winning. This week is particularly important for 2 teams who feel they deserve better than their current under .500 records.
Prediction: Ben cracks triple digits & wins.
Mother Flippin' Pueto vs. JohnThomasMoynahan - Stop the presses! As I'm writing this blog, a trade has just been announced. JohnThomas is sending Donald Driver to Team Preiss & getting Michael Bush in return. Does this mean Bush will be starting this week over Mendenhall or Hillis? I have no idea. Hillis is questionable; Mendenhall is projected for only 5 as he goes up against an apparently dominant run D in the Browns. Bush is projected for 17, but with McFadden back, will he actually get there? Lots of questions surrounding this sudden move. Even if Bush starts for Blanchette's team & plays well, I'm not sure it matters. Pueto has good matchups for his QB & both RBs this week...curious why Jacobs only projected for 3 even though he's home vs. the Lions.
Prediction: Pueto's weapons outweapon Blanchette's weapons. Aaron wins a close one.
Once again, the predictions are:
-The Bink
-Team 1818A
-Market & Crack
-Dorchester United
-Mother Flippin Pueto
Last week was 4-1 again in these predictions, bringing the season total up to 13-2.
The plan for next week's blog is to change up the monotony a bit & do a review of what individual players are doing best, who drafted them, and where they were drafted.
Enjoy week 6.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Gambling Tips Included - Free of Charge
Author's Note: Planned on spending some significant work time this afternoon (Friday) on this blog, but just found out I have to compete in a "100 beer race" tonight. That means I have to go do a bunch of pushups to get ready (long story on why pushups makes me ready to chug beer all night). So this may be abbreviated.
I'm also still tinkering w/ the timing of this blog each week. I thought doing it on Tues or Weds would be best while the week in review still matters to people, but then I miss out on commenting on Waiver pickups and I can't accurately predict how the next week will go. Catch 22 I suppose. Friday seems good because that's when people want to waste the day reading pointless bullshit anyway, right? Apologies to the East-coasters who will get this blog post after work has ended, thus having to use valuable non-work time reading it.
On to it...
As the world's most unbiased commissioner, it's only fair that I flog my own ass with the sticks of criticism like I do to all of you on a weekly basis. Specifically, my favorite thing to do is run a quote in this space from one of you 'tards claiming something ridiculous...like Fred claiming the 9ers are super bowl bound, or Fred claiming Travis Hafner would help his baseball team win the league this year. Basically anything Fred says is fair game.
Now it's only fair for me to tell you about the exchange I had w/ Fred last week. I'll paraphrase (though I'm sure at this exact moment Fred is looking through his Gchat archives to find my exact words).
Me: "You know, I'm so on fire in all my football picks this year. I think I understand the NFL better than I ever have, maybe better than anybody ever has. Maybe not fantasy, I'm pretty average there, but I'm killing it in Scott's pick 'em league, killing it in Bodog betting, and I'm pretty sure I've got the suicide pool all figured out."
Fred: "Sure, buddy."
Fast forward to the end of week 4 games and I'm staring at a painful loss in the suicide pool (fuck Indy, fuck Scobee's 59-yard FG, fuck everyone), a $9 loss on Bodog (doesn't sound bad, but I got used to winning $50/week earlier this season), and a very low score in the pick 'em league. Add in a 1-4 week in my 5 fantasy leagues, and you get the point. I know nothing.
And the silver lining...I can buy back into the Suicide pool (equal to lighting $36 on fire), the pick 'em league is 17 weeks long & I'm still in 1st (by a slim margin), if I double up the amount of all my bets this week on Bodog I'm sure to make my money back. No silver lining for fantasy, I blow.
Since it's Friday (and I lost again last week) I have no interest in doing a week 4 review. Except to say it was awesome to see Werner's team put up 50 total points, I once again dominated my predictions for this league...4-1 last week, 9-1 overall in my picks. And also, it's a guarantee that every time the Patriots play on National TV a few of us will pretend to pull off a blockbuster 3-team deal. This past Monday night it was me, Neil and Ben coming so close to having an agreement in place (still don't know who backed out ultimately), and Aaron dying to be the 4th team involved.
Look out for Nov. 14th, the next Pats' National TV game--I'm sure we'll come even closer to a monumental deal.
Final thought from week 4: I bet Blanchette is really wishing he moved Vick in a trade when he had the chance.
Moving on to week 5 preview/predictions:
Four 3 Year Olds vs. The Bink: In this marquee matchup of 2 teams who won't possibly crack 90 points, I've decided to sit a QB who's averaging 20.3 points/week (Rivers) in favor of one who's averaging 9.5 (Eli). I'm also starting Shonn Greene--projected for 4 points against a tough Minnesota run D. Throw in 3 mediocre WRs & 1 free agent TE, and I'm somehow projected to crush Scott's team by 16 points. Maybe that has something to do with Scott starting a WR (Garcon) who's projected not to play (shit, why am I writing this right now?). Good luck w/ Moss the rest of the way, Scott...total wildcard.
Prediction: my unnecessary tinkering with my lineup leads to another loss. Scott wins a close one.
Team 1818A vs. Polar Bears Rule: A battle of 2-2 teams who both think they are a lot better than they actually are. Some tough luck for Werner. You know that column "OPRK," which calculates some extremely tough math to come up with the Opponents' Rank? Well every starter for Werner's team is in the "red" in that column. Not good. And because of that, Fred's projected to win by 30 this week. Fred, on the other hand, has some good matchups, including the 2nd week in a row where 1 of his RBs gets to face a horrible Oakland running D. The biggest question in this matchup is whether Werner will start to blow the team up after falling to 2-3 this week. Can an AP or Chris Johnson trade revitalize this struggling team with multiple good pieces in return?
Prediction: Fred wins, but not by 30.
Team Preiss vs. Dorchester United: Two teams trying to avoid a Ross-like 1-4 record. You know my previous statement about Werner's team having all bad matchups this week? The exact opposite is true for MattyP's team. Except for Michael Turner @ Cleveland, every other Opponents' Rank is in green for this team. Ben couldn't be catching them at a worse time. Matty, since I have nothing critical to say about your starting lineup this week, can I just ask when you're going to cut ties with Vincent Jackson? After week 6? week 10? Offseason? There's gotta be someone in free agency who is a better bench-sitter. Ben, your team is projected to lose by 25; if we're to believe the ESPN projections, your team is absolute garbage...my only question to you: how excited are you that Big Ben finally plays next week? No one has been more interested in acquiring this guy in every league than you. Hope it works out.
Prediction: Preiss wins, Ben makes 3 more trades before week 6.
Quick side note: MoJo is projected for 26 this week. Most of the Buffalo & Jacksonville players are projected for career weeks when they play each other this Sunday. But if ESPN's projections are even close to accurate, the final score has gotta be roughly 77-73. Please let this happen.
JohnThomasMoynahan vs. Market & Crack: This has to feel like a playoff game for Blanchette because this is his first chance in like 5 years to be something significant in fantasy. If he wins, he starts to separate from the pack. If he loses, back to the mediocrity he knows all too well. Without even looking at Neil's team, sorry Matt, but you lose this week. You need to make like 5 roster moves between now & Sunday just to field a healthy team. Too many byes & a few injuries are going to derail you this week. Just looked at Neil's team now, and yup, big week coming up for the Market & Crackers...almost as many good matchups as MattyP's team.
Prediction: Neil wins w/ largest margin of victory for the week.
I'm also still tinkering w/ the timing of this blog each week. I thought doing it on Tues or Weds would be best while the week in review still matters to people, but then I miss out on commenting on Waiver pickups and I can't accurately predict how the next week will go. Catch 22 I suppose. Friday seems good because that's when people want to waste the day reading pointless bullshit anyway, right? Apologies to the East-coasters who will get this blog post after work has ended, thus having to use valuable non-work time reading it.
On to it...
As the world's most unbiased commissioner, it's only fair that I flog my own ass with the sticks of criticism like I do to all of you on a weekly basis. Specifically, my favorite thing to do is run a quote in this space from one of you 'tards claiming something ridiculous...like Fred claiming the 9ers are super bowl bound, or Fred claiming Travis Hafner would help his baseball team win the league this year. Basically anything Fred says is fair game.
Now it's only fair for me to tell you about the exchange I had w/ Fred last week. I'll paraphrase (though I'm sure at this exact moment Fred is looking through his Gchat archives to find my exact words).
Me: "You know, I'm so on fire in all my football picks this year. I think I understand the NFL better than I ever have, maybe better than anybody ever has. Maybe not fantasy, I'm pretty average there, but I'm killing it in Scott's pick 'em league, killing it in Bodog betting, and I'm pretty sure I've got the suicide pool all figured out."
Fred: "Sure, buddy."
Fast forward to the end of week 4 games and I'm staring at a painful loss in the suicide pool (fuck Indy, fuck Scobee's 59-yard FG, fuck everyone), a $9 loss on Bodog (doesn't sound bad, but I got used to winning $50/week earlier this season), and a very low score in the pick 'em league. Add in a 1-4 week in my 5 fantasy leagues, and you get the point. I know nothing.
And the silver lining...I can buy back into the Suicide pool (equal to lighting $36 on fire), the pick 'em league is 17 weeks long & I'm still in 1st (by a slim margin), if I double up the amount of all my bets this week on Bodog I'm sure to make my money back. No silver lining for fantasy, I blow.
Since it's Friday (and I lost again last week) I have no interest in doing a week 4 review. Except to say it was awesome to see Werner's team put up 50 total points, I once again dominated my predictions for this league...4-1 last week, 9-1 overall in my picks. And also, it's a guarantee that every time the Patriots play on National TV a few of us will pretend to pull off a blockbuster 3-team deal. This past Monday night it was me, Neil and Ben coming so close to having an agreement in place (still don't know who backed out ultimately), and Aaron dying to be the 4th team involved.
Look out for Nov. 14th, the next Pats' National TV game--I'm sure we'll come even closer to a monumental deal.
Final thought from week 4: I bet Blanchette is really wishing he moved Vick in a trade when he had the chance.
Moving on to week 5 preview/predictions:
Four 3 Year Olds vs. The Bink: In this marquee matchup of 2 teams who won't possibly crack 90 points, I've decided to sit a QB who's averaging 20.3 points/week (Rivers) in favor of one who's averaging 9.5 (Eli). I'm also starting Shonn Greene--projected for 4 points against a tough Minnesota run D. Throw in 3 mediocre WRs & 1 free agent TE, and I'm somehow projected to crush Scott's team by 16 points. Maybe that has something to do with Scott starting a WR (Garcon) who's projected not to play (shit, why am I writing this right now?). Good luck w/ Moss the rest of the way, Scott...total wildcard.
Prediction: my unnecessary tinkering with my lineup leads to another loss. Scott wins a close one.
Team 1818A vs. Polar Bears Rule: A battle of 2-2 teams who both think they are a lot better than they actually are. Some tough luck for Werner. You know that column "OPRK," which calculates some extremely tough math to come up with the Opponents' Rank? Well every starter for Werner's team is in the "red" in that column. Not good. And because of that, Fred's projected to win by 30 this week. Fred, on the other hand, has some good matchups, including the 2nd week in a row where 1 of his RBs gets to face a horrible Oakland running D. The biggest question in this matchup is whether Werner will start to blow the team up after falling to 2-3 this week. Can an AP or Chris Johnson trade revitalize this struggling team with multiple good pieces in return?
Prediction: Fred wins, but not by 30.
Team Preiss vs. Dorchester United: Two teams trying to avoid a Ross-like 1-4 record. You know my previous statement about Werner's team having all bad matchups this week? The exact opposite is true for MattyP's team. Except for Michael Turner @ Cleveland, every other Opponents' Rank is in green for this team. Ben couldn't be catching them at a worse time. Matty, since I have nothing critical to say about your starting lineup this week, can I just ask when you're going to cut ties with Vincent Jackson? After week 6? week 10? Offseason? There's gotta be someone in free agency who is a better bench-sitter. Ben, your team is projected to lose by 25; if we're to believe the ESPN projections, your team is absolute garbage...my only question to you: how excited are you that Big Ben finally plays next week? No one has been more interested in acquiring this guy in every league than you. Hope it works out.
Prediction: Preiss wins, Ben makes 3 more trades before week 6.
Quick side note: MoJo is projected for 26 this week. Most of the Buffalo & Jacksonville players are projected for career weeks when they play each other this Sunday. But if ESPN's projections are even close to accurate, the final score has gotta be roughly 77-73. Please let this happen.
JohnThomasMoynahan vs. Market & Crack: This has to feel like a playoff game for Blanchette because this is his first chance in like 5 years to be something significant in fantasy. If he wins, he starts to separate from the pack. If he loses, back to the mediocrity he knows all too well. Without even looking at Neil's team, sorry Matt, but you lose this week. You need to make like 5 roster moves between now & Sunday just to field a healthy team. Too many byes & a few injuries are going to derail you this week. Just looked at Neil's team now, and yup, big week coming up for the Market & Crackers...almost as many good matchups as MattyP's team.
Prediction: Neil wins w/ largest margin of victory for the week.
On the other side of the ball, Aaron will never have better matchups for every starting player than he does this week. Unbelievable...the QB & WRs are basically playing the worst pass D's in the league, and his RBs are playing the worst Run D's. And his D, the Bears, is at Carolina.
Prediction: Going with the minor upset - Pueto wins.
To recap, the winners are:
-Four 3 Year Olds
-Polar Bears
-Team Preiss
-Market & Crack
-Mother Flippin Pueto
-Ravens -7 (vs. Denver)
-Lions -3 (vs. St. Louis)
-Falcons -3 (@ Cleveland)
You're welcome.
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